singzeon.


(closed)



31 October 2012:

我跌倒了。

自從我去年學會走路以來,我從沒有跌倒。也許有幾次的不穩,不過雙腳仍然能夠支撐。上個星期,我終於跌倒了。

可以說,這次跌倒是我自作自受。我明明知道如此走路遲早會跌倒,但硬著頭皮走下去。果然,我跌倒了。

其實,我跌得不重。沒有流血,只有輕微淤青。不過對我來說,這個淤青已經是一個記著我愚笨的烙印。

我不知道這個淤青能否散掉。我不知道以後還會不會跌倒。往最壞的方面想,日後我可能再跌倒,而且之後便不走路了。

我當然不希望這種情況發生。我相信緣分,但絕對不會任命運操控我。所以,我會慢慢走。

現在雙腳有時不合作,我能諒解。經過這麼一次跌倒,雙腳肯定有些氣、有些惱。雙腳的心裡感受不容忽視。

於是我慢慢走,希望雙腳能趕快恢復往日的健勁。我不一定有許多時間能繼續走,所以必須珍惜每個走路的機會。

去年學會走路之後,我沒後悔過。但願我從不後悔吧。

Every friendship is like a journey.

TTFN.


27 October 2012:

剛才又出事了。

I really await the day when police gets called in to settle things.

The actual impact of the whole affair is not physical (thankfully), but psychological. Psychologically I am affected and the images have been replaying. There is social studies on Monday but the images are a distraction. Of course, I am distracted by other things as well, to be fair.

There is a reason why every time I pray in temples, I ask for 家和萬事興 or 相安無事 or 快快樂樂. According to Wikipedia's entry on 佛教, '有情眾生之所以會受苦,在於因無明而於六根觸受起愛執,而導致後有生死的純大苦聚集'.

I hope for a better tomorrow. It has to, else on Monday I am finished.

TTFN.


26 October 2012:

剛才和阿公出去吃。

今天是哈芝節。馬來同胞在慶祝,那我們也「賺」到一個假期。午餐的時候,載了阿公到附近的熟食中心去吃。

阿公人老了,將近90歲吧。所以他的行動有些慢,不如以前。到他家外面時等了差不多15分鐘,他才徐徐走出來。(不過他大力開關車門的習慣仍沒改變。)

我們去吃了魚湯。這魚湯攤非常出名,所以很多人多來吃。因此,我們提早預約,這樣就省了半個小時的等候時間。

這是近期內第二次帶阿公去吃。上回他走到一半,看到豬雜湯,便說要吃。但是我們也都預約了魚湯,不可能浪費它。奇怪的是,這次阿公竟然說照樣吃魚湯,不吃豬雜湯。而且,他還數落豬雜湯不健康。我在想,是他老人癡呆癥發作嗎?

阿公的聽力不太好了。現在叫他的時候還得提高聲量,也許外人還會以為我們在跟他吵架/罵他呢。不過幸好他的思維還沒那麼糟糕。

我們到了那裡吃了,走了。回去車子的路上,阿公看到粿汁(kway chap),便說要買給阿嫲吃。於是我們打電話,問阿嫲是要吃鹵面還是粿汁。(她挺喜歡吃鹵面的。)

她選了粿汁。老爸給她買去,我們坐下來等。突然間阿公走到鹵面攤前,叫了鹵面。原來他還幫傭人買。(我原以為她家裡有煮呢。)

再過不久阿公看到五香灌腸,又買了兩條給自己和阿嫲,一人一條。他走著走著不時想買東西。我想,如果他到百貨公司的話,他也許會把所有的東西買下吧。

O水準考完后,我想訪問阿公。或者說,我想多瞭解我們家的歷史。我小二的時候有住在阿公家一陣子,也是在那時學了我的福建話。

但那時候阿公沒有和我多說話。我只記得阿公誤認為我拿了他的沙爹扇(傭人有個一模一樣的),所以非常生氣。他批評我是個頑皮又壞蛋的孩子。那時我還真被弄糊塗,因為我明明是從傭人的房間拿出扇子的呀。

後來事情查清了,阿公也沒有跟我道歉或什麽的,只是幾天后有買糖(還是一些吃的)給我。我想我們家的人都是這樣吧,嘴硬心軟。

話說回來,我想跟阿公談話。他活了快90年了,當中肯定有很多故事。1923年出生的他,經歷了英殖民時期、第二次世界大戰、英軍推出新加坡、新加坡與馬來亞的合併、新加坡的獨立,一直到今天。

所以說,這個我是一定要做到的。

就這樣。


25 October 2012:

There are a few kinds of lovers in this world.

The first kind is like Romeo and Juliet, a pair of star-crossed lovers. Both of them love each other so much. They would die for each other. Which was what happened in the end. Both of them died. Of course in between there's lots of complications.

The second kind is like 令狐沖 and 任盈盈, lovers that are not fated. (At least, that's how they are as of where I've stopped in the story.) She tries to save him but ends up imprisoned. He wants to save her now but is met with difficulties. There's also a lot of complications.

The third kind is like __ and __. They are not together, but they behave like a couple. They are very low-profile, so few people actually know about it. Yet the feeling is mutual amongst them. (It can be irritating though cos they refuse to admit it.)

~

Today I went to school. Turns out it was the last day for Sec 1 to 3s. They were having meet-the-parents. No wonder I saw many more cars turning in / out of school. The car park was filled as well with unfamiliar cars.

Once in school I met R and G. It's really nice talking to R cos he's very friendly and unassuming. His humour seems to be very wide-reaching. So regardless whether you're into dirty humour, dark humour or just slapstick, he'll laugh genuinely with you.

That's rare, to me. I can appreciate most forms of humour but certainly not like him. And he really is into the conversation when he's with you. Not that others don't, but some look like they're drifting off.

So the three of us talked for around two hours. At 12 Mr L came over while R and I were having lunch. G was still at the concourse so she messaged me. We took our time, since anyway G would surely ask him questions and he wouldn't leave that soon.

True enough, when we went back G was still asking Mr L stuff. After a while R left for his literature consultation at 1 so G and I took turns asking questions. I actually asked whatever came to my mind, or anything that was unclear when he said it. From there I learnt how to tackle explanation questions. But first I need to brush up on all my concepts.

I rather like Mr L. He is a very friendly teacher. (Okay I need to brush up on my vocabulary as well cos now R and Mr L is 'friendly'. That's the only word I can think of.) Halfway through G fell asleep so Mr L and I discussed whether she was faking it. He told me that if a person's breathing rate is too slow for any awake person to copy, then he / she is sleeping.

G didn't wake up after a while and a phone call. So Mr L took a pen and lifted her finger. I wanted to take a picture of her and blackmail her post it on Instagram after blackmailing her. But just before I took, she woke up feeling her floating finger.

So we went on. When there were no more questions I asked a question about the earth. Mr L said that was related to modern physics and not the classical physics we've been studying. So we talked about that and G asked for examples. Mr L mentioned Schrodinger's Cat and Heisenburg's Uncertainty and other stuff. It was interesting to know but boring to study it, I feel.

~

After tuition I headed home. Upon exiting Roxy Square a women held the glass door open for me. I said 'thank you' and she was stunned for a while. Hmm maybe no one thanked her in a while.

It was such a blessing to sit in a non-crowded bus. I saw the bus before me that was packed till the door. No joke to be squashed inside such a bus. No wonder everyone's so fed up with Singapore's transport, calling the minister by his nickname.

~

"Fair is foul, and foul is fair," says the witches in Macbeth.

Shakespeare too states:

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.

TTFN.


24 October 2012:

Why must things be like this?

Today I went home after maths paper 2. (More on that later.) The moment I opened the door a thought flashed past my mind, 'could it be ...?'

No, I told myself. It can't be. It can't be now. Not when I have O Levels.

Hurriedly I went to check. It was indeed true. My heart sank. Of all times, why now?!

~

Okay about maths paper 2. Maths paper 1 was easy yesterday, so people were speculating (and creating insecurities) that this paper would be difficult. I was one of them.

I was way more nervous for paper 2 than paper 1. I was so nervous that when writing calculator model fx95SG, I began as f(x). I think if I didn't notice it, I would write it as f(x) = 95SG. Who knows.

Luckily the paper wasn't that difficult. There were some questions which had everyone discussing, such as the last question. Speaking of that last question, I lost all marks there cos instead of using 16 as a denominator, I used 14. So all my working would be wrong. I can only hope for the so-called 'method mark'.

I was happy, though, that I managed to understand . Previously I was clueless to this formula and didn't know how to use it. At least at O Levels I finally get it.

Also, the figures this time were not that complicated, which was a good thing. Mdm T was still predicting that there would be complex figures such as two circles overlapping each other. Thankfully there was none of it.

~

I think that a girlfriend should spend more time with her boyfriend.

I don't know if YJ feels indignant about it or not, but if I were him I wouldn't be too happy. It's not JQ fault from what I understand, she feels obliged to accompany ZK. I don't know ZK personally but I feel that he shouldn't be so clingy to her.

If JQ was still not with YJ, then it's not that bad. But since they are together, why are you still being a light bulb? I'm sure there are other friends besides JQ that you can cling on to. Can you imagine being a boyfriend to a girl that sticks with some other guy? Even though that guy probably doesn't fancy your girlfriend, but c'mon it would hurt a little if you really like her.

That's why I think YJ is very 寬宏大量. He probably doesn't wanna make things awkward between ZK and JQ, so he rather let them be. I just hope that ZK knows how to back off and not be too overboard. I don't think I'm actually that big-hearted to allow my own girlfriend, if I had one, to stay with another guy for so long.

Maybe I'm just being petty and over-protective. I don't know, it's subjective eh. Maybe to YJ it's nothing at all. I hope so, then.

~

Today is JQ's birthday. I prepared a card for her and gave her the rainbow-coloured pencil case she wanted.

I hope she liked both.

It was awkward though, carrying the pencil case from the concourse to the canteen. Cos it kept shaking and having the bell-like sound. And the card also looked suspicious, at least to me. So I was trying to hide it by turning to various positions when walking.

I wanted to make a card that could fit into the pencil case, but sadly I couldn't really do that. So too bad, just a standard A4 fold-into-two kind of card.

~

Back to the start of my post. Of all times, why now. Of all times, why must my chocolate be finished now?! It turns out that the Tolberone bar I had today was the last. If I knew, I would have treasured you ... )':

TTFN.


22 October 2012:

沒那麼可怕。

Yes, I have finished with two papers. There are another 14 papers to go.

Today before heading to school I received a call from Ms K. For some reason or another, she asked if I was a PRC. I wasn't upset or angry, in part because I was asked this plenty of times and also because she sounded so apologetic from the start.

As I was about to reach school my niece told me that she got pangseh-ed by D. Tsk. So I went to Dakota to meet her. I told her I would wait at the bus stop, she just came out of the station around that time.

I went into the LT at 11 where Mr S was looping a set of 99 Powerpoint slides. For the first loop he said he would 'let the Powerpoint do the talking', but for the second he talked for almost every slide till I left. I heard from my niece later that he got tired so he stopped. Between the first and second Mr P and Mrs T came in to speak.

Actually, I felt Mrs T's words were more meaningful. Mr P kept repeating the idea of being prepared. Which reminded me of his pre-Fudan speech where he repeated three key ideas for half an hour. Mrs T told us that the exam was about 會不會讀題目, 能不能善用時間 and 可不可以減少錯誤.

I felt that more useful than 'being prepared', although her examples were rather long-winded. The cohort was more restless during her speech. I could tell that many couldn't care of what she was saying. They probably regarded both to be talking nonsense.

~

At 1330 we started our English paper 1. I flipped the paper and found the usual. The questions were alright for compo, not too difficult or easy.

(By the way, I really like O Level exam papers. It uses Helvetica not Arial and OMG the ink has gloss! Also the typography and style is really good and it absolutely is British English!)

Okay.

The first collection of papers were slightly messy. Some invigilators collected halfway and had to 'rewind' cos someone else was collecting.

Compre this year wasn't superbly hard, but not easy as well. I only panicked during summary. I was too happy with my 20 points that I didn't realise I only had <10 minutes left to transfer everything.

At that point of time, my hand started trembling. What a perfect time. My handwriting was already not very legible, and the shaking made it worse. When checking in the end I couldn't even read some of my words.

Luckily I finished in time with around two minutes to spare. I had no time to check my comprehension answers though. I can only hope I've answered them well without stupid careless mistakes.

During the comprehension I kept thinking of my niece's birthday card. That was so distracting. I had the best idea and no matter how hard I tried to focus I couldn't. After the exam the idea went -poof- and it still is eluding me till now.

Idea, Y U NO appear at the right time?! The good thing is after thinking hard I think I remember some details of the fantastic card.

Maybe I'll resume 心情小抽屜 tonight or tomorrow. I shall think of writing a shorter one heh cos the deadline's tight. But first I have to finish making the card.

TTFN.


21 October 2012:

I had another weird dream yesterday.

The day before I dreamt about walking through different rooms in a house that started from my school canteen. Yesterday I dreamt that I was in my own house.

I was sitting at the dining table with LJ and GY. There was a 'starting' to it but I forgot that part. We were chatting when suddenly GY said 'my girlfriend ...'. Then I got slightly furious and asked GY 'So it's true that you're together with JQ?!' GY looked shocked cos he accidentally said something out.

Somehow I also found out that KL was attached as well, in my dream. They were mentioning it before GY slipped that out, I think. Well I got very mad and shook LJ asking him 原來你早就知道了爲什麽不告訴我?! Yes I must have been in a 台灣劇 state of mind with the epic 臺詞s.

Anyway, it was LJ's turn to look apologetic. GY then tried pacifying me by saying something that he was intending to tell me sooner or later, together with KL. I felt very hurt then cos it was as if everyone knew everything except me. I was still stuck in a well.

I remembered banging the table and shouting at them. Hmm not very nice of me eh. Then I woke up with a bursting bladder. I tried to resume the dream after peeing but I had another dream instead. I couldn't remember that one though, the first was too impactful.

~

Ms C has critiqued my essay I sent her yesterday. She replied my e-mail at 0002 this morning. In short, she slammed my essay.

I received a score of 17 / 30 from her. Receiving such a score a day before the O Levels is rather scary. I was rather confident of my essay previously, and never expected such a low score. You might say that she's being strict but so long as she has given 18 to anyone else I am no good.

Ms C gave me scathing remarks of my essay. She said that I had organisational mistakes, which I shouldn't be making at this point. However, I disagree with her point.

My question was 'The delight and frustrations of a teenager.' I began with a frustration, jumped to delight, and frustration then delight. She says I should finish my two frustrations first. But what if I have no time? I originally wrote it as such was so that if I really didn't have time, at least I could submit 1 frustration + 1 delight, instead of two frustrations. To me, at least I answered the question of 'delights and frustrations', instead of a one-sided delight / frustration.

I have queried her on this, and I hope that Ms C would be able to reply me quick and clear my doubts. It is very worrying on the day before my examinations to receive such a thing. Nevertheless I will carry on.

~

This morning I mini family drama broke out. I am really tired of such things happening. Really, being in a dysfunctional family takes a toll on everyone, especially children.

I really admire children who pull through despite having a dysfunctional family, instead of falling and failing. These are the strong, resilient ones who would succeed in life next time. I recall the Marigolds text. Their family was dysfunctional. One daughter 'survived' while the other wilted. I want to be the survivor.

This is not the time for me to ponder on such things. Tomorrow is English papers and I should be into the mood of it. Let's hope my Anglophilia somehow helps me tomorrow.

TTFN.


20 October 2012:

好好學習,天天向上!

我的課室桌子放著一張卡,上面寫著毛澤東的話:「星星之火,可以燎原。」當時,我印了五張不同的,最後決定留那個做我的宣傳(propaganda)。

剛才我突然看到另外一句話,也是毛澤東的。就是以上那句。我在想,也許那該是我的宣傳才對。距離O水準剩下兩天了。那就做我的宣傳吧。

昨晚我做的夢好奇怪喲。我先在學校的食堂里。在買飲料。RZ帥哥排在後面,和我講話。(可能最近跟他講了些話,所以夢到他。)前面是低年級的人,他不耐煩。

我幫RZ買了他要的飲料還跟他搭話,但是他似乎不想理我。(明明是他先跟我講話的。)他叫了好多杯,拿去給他的那些兄弟。我走到食堂通禮堂的那樓梯,上去之際,碰到B友。(現實生活里我好久沒和B友講話了。從小便認識的我們最近疏遠了,可惜。不過最近我們也有點頭微笑哦。)

我便和B友上那樓梯。沒通到禮堂,反而到了一個屋子。屋子很多樓,我們的樓梯也突然間便成木製的,高檔的那種。

幾乎每一樓都是一個房間。我和B友就一樓一樓的逛。有些房間實在美,我和B友就看了看。之後我們來到一樓,樓梯和地板沒有連接在一起。B友有些怕,可我跳下去。

B友最終也跳了下去。之後我們走啊走,來到一個廁所。沒進廁所前我們看到一個我本身不認識的學弟。他在學校相當出名吧,至少在他的年級里。

附近有個很大的櫃子,木做的,很多抽屜。(難道因為我寫《心情小抽屜》所以出現抽屜?!)我一個一個的拉,大多數都空的。我記得廁所里的門是開著的,聽到有人沖凉的聲音。

終於拉到一個有東西的,可是忘了裡頭是什麽,也許是紙吧。(這陣子我不知道B友做了什麽。)

我也不知道後來怎麼來著,我們到了一個辦公室似的地方。也許是那樓的地下室吧。辦公室有個個別的房間,象徵老闆的房的那種。那房間裡邊的桌子,竟然躺著我的朋友。(我忘記是誰,不過是現實中認識的。)而他竟然赤裸!但是是背朝上的,只看到屁股。

房間里還有個有穿衣的女孩,好像也是認識的。我還記得我看到后沒有覺得怎樣,跟他們講起話來。之後D友進去那房間。(我跟B友在房間外頭從窗看進去的。)她在門邊蹲下拿起書包,從中拿了些東西,看了那裸身的男,之後走掉。

。。。我的夢太牛了吧。然後我起來了。

不知道今晚還會不會夢到這種夢境。希望不是噩夢呀。

就這樣。


19 October 2012:

Today was a spectacular day.

... I discovered that I have a routine for this past week. Every day I would leave the house around 0830, reach the bus stop at around 0835 and be in school by 0900. Stalkers would have an easy job tracking me. But I digress.

Today nothing much interesting happened. That's why it's a spectacular day.

During lunch with T and A, I learnt from the both of them of when GY first started with his girlfriend P. Turns out I was the only one who didn't know. Anyway they said it was when they were in the same tuition and P asked GY to help her in chem. The rest, as they say, is history. (Okay they didn't exactly say that ...)

* ANY GIRL WANTS CHEMISTRY HELP? I SPECIALISE IN THE CHAPTER OF BONDING. ;) ;) ;)*

After lunch I was called short. It didn't really affect me on the spot but I guess I was not very pleased. I'm not blaming D cos she really meant it as a joke / random observation. Her observation is true, though.

It sucks when you have friends (guys especially) who shoot up while your height remains stagnant. This was rather obvious when I was talking to my juniors S and R. At first I thought 'hmm they're the same height as me', but then I realised I was standing on slightly higher ground.

The feeling is not really nice when this is repeated countless times. Of course, no one has actually mocked me due to height, but sometimes friends do crack jokes and I get self-conscious. Whether or not that is deserved is debatable.

You may say that I really shouldn't fret cos height isn't that important, but it is. Height is part of looks, and it is used by people who look for first impressions. Definitely a tall person looks better than a short person, assuming they are equally good-looking.

I once heard that Singapore's PM would always be someone tall. This is so that even though we're a small country, at least when we head out for bilateral or multilateral talks, we don't look 'short' on footage. And the group picture; if anyone noticed, Singapore's PM is one of the tallest amongst ASEAN countries' leaders.

(If this is true, Mr Heng cannot be PM. He is short like me, I heard.)

Enough of depressing talk. Yesterday I didn't write 心情小抽屜, I was busy writing JQ's autograph (actually, how do you call that?). I used my 'Chinese pen' for it, since I was writing Chinese.

I took around one hour to write it. That's around the time I take to blog each day. This was my first time writing it after four days, and I really didn't know what to write. I was afraid of writing the wrong thing / irrelevant thing, cos I couldn't tear the paper out and it'll leave a nasty blemish there.

Luckily I thought of what I wanted to write, amongst the thousands of pargaphs in my head. Yes, the rest I shall save for other times. There was one line I remembered writing. I can't actually quote it now but it meant 'if you forget me next time, that's alright; if not, then it's alright too'.

I'll write that for any other person who asks me to write such things. Cos I really believe in it. 一切隨緣. There's really no use in keeping a person if he / she is intent on leaving you. So what if you were best friends in secondary or primary school? Maybe when you two proceed to JC / poly, suddenly you detest each other.

It would be interesting if former nemeses would become best buddies after JC / poly. That really shows 緣. But of course it's not very likely, lah.

Well I have a 憾事 though. My friendship with B. We were really close during Sec 3. I remember him saying that he thought I was a ladies' boy, based on his impression of me in lower sec. (That has no link to anything.)

Then somehow he and I distanced. He joined the 'football clique' of our class. I'm really not being jealous here; T is part of them but still he isn't like B. I'm really ambivalent about B. At times he is very good and friendly, other times he treats me as if I'm invisible. Just like today. (Okay lah I also did the same.)

And B changed a lot. I was telling T the other day, and he said 'oh he became tanned'? Well that's not the main point; B became more vulgar. Previously he wouldn't curse much, now losing a game on the iPhone would result in him greeting someone's parents and/or something about smelly vaginas. (Why are Hokkien vulgarities so creative?)

Oh well. 一切隨緣. It was 緣 for he and I to drift, and it is 緣 that he is the way he is now. Maybe we would head to the same JC, maybe not. If we do, I'll see from there. If not, I'll keep him in memory then.

TTFN.


18 October 2012:

不知道怎麼寫。

I have written 350 posts thus far for this blog, not including other posts on other blogs that are still remaining in cyberspace for no reason. Yet I am clueless as to how to write an autograph.

I am writing something else though. 心情小抽屜. Those of you familiar with Yes! 933's night programme may know of it. Hopefully it gets used. I started writing it yesterday in my usual style of double-lined cursive Chinese. I really wonder if it can be read to be played out.

Or maybe I should not send it by mail. I forgot the address anyway. I shall just e-mail it over. Actually I am in a dilemma too as to whether or not to continue writing it. Writing it makes me emotional which makes me unsuited for studying at night. And with four days left, I do not have much time to spend on this.

I would either sacrifice my O Levels or this. It's a clear choice, but pitiable if 心情小抽屜 is delayed. Actually I don't even know if it would be picked so ...

Anyway I still don't know how to write for an autograph book. No one has asked me to write it in four years. Back then in primary six, it was a 'standard' format of name, telephone number, etc. (Back then telephone number meant house phone cos mobile phones weren't that available for us.) Then followed by a message. And signing off.

But I feel that this format seems a little rigid and lame. I feel like writing something nice but I'm afraid that I'll write too long or get emo-nemo.

Oh well I should thinking of a way.

TTFN.


17 October 2012:

Еще пять дней!

Yes, it's as the title states. Not much time left at all. I'm still worried about SW for English. Today during SSP I went to ask Mr S about it. He was very nice and gave me and overview of it which lasted for about half an hour. I think he was about to eat (or hopefully finished eating) cos he had a pair of fork and spoon in his hands.

I'm not saying that Ms C is no good, but somehow Mr S makes SW seem more clear. He also cleared some doubts of mine that have been nagging me since possibly last year. Now I know better as to how to write SW. Let's hope it translates into positive grades for O Levels as well.

Just now an embarrassing thing happened during SSP. I was originally listening to the tune of a train mixed with grandfather clock from the app WhiteNoise. Then cos I paused it and it 'disappeared', I switched to music instead.

I was listening to 春光乍泄 when suddenly a packet of tissue flew over. While turning back I saw two LY girls in front staring hard at me. I thought they were disrupted by the tissue's noise. When I turned around A and T told me to stop singing.

I didn't know that I was singing! Then I realised that it seemed so, cos every time I listen to the song I would hum along. I really didn't realise. That's when the LY girls' stare made sense, and that's when I got so paiseh.

Immediately I switched back to WhiteNoise. I'm never gonna play any more music whenever in SSP, fully WhiteNoise or nothing now.

~

Hilary Mantel won the Man Booker Prize again. She is the first person and first woman to win such an award. Well at least now I know who's books to buy when it comes to reading after O Levels. I have a strong slant towards British books (since I'm an Anglophile).

On my list: Lionel Asbo, Bring Up the Bodies, and etc. Okay I can't really remember now but when I Google them I'll recall the rest.

I've started reading the third book of 笑傲江湖. I can tell the story is almost nearing its climax. That's the part where television shows extract from the whole plot. This book indeed is fine literature; there are many things that people could analyse about if they wanted to. If I really do take Chinese Language and Literature next year, I'll be doing another of 金庸's book, 雪山飛狐.

~

Obama seems to have won the second presidential debate which happened just hours ago. Well that's good news to me, even though I'm not Democrat. I just support Obama cos he seems much better than Romney. Romney can't seem to get arguments right, apart from nice-sounding rhetoric.

Anyway, I'm still UK > U.S. person. There are many reasons to that but people would say I'm anal and/or extreme. Whatever. If I really wanna migrate next time it'll be UK definitely, and not U.S. Russia is out of the picture - even though there's nice, nice scenery and women - cos it's not safe and it's rather controlled.

Nevertheless I still <3 Singapore so migration is really not what I'm thinking now. What I'm thinking now is еще пять дней and oh how it scares.

TTFN.


16 October 2012:

Today and yesterday wasn't really good.

My blog post yesterday seemed very joyous and out of sync with my usual style. I seemed too happy. Maybe I should have taken this as a hint of what was to come at night.

At 10 pm last night, depression struck me again. It's been a long time since I've had it. And I definitely wasn't prepared for it. The most peculiar thing is that no matter what, there is this overall negative mood.

Yesterday's one wasn't very serious till I was suicidal or the sort, but it did make me very melancholic. I wasn't being emo. That is when you are in control of yourself and you almost deliberately make yourself sad and insecure for no apparent reason.

I couldn't really stop the sad thoughts from flowing in yesterday. I posted two photos during that period of time, one a sad face and another was a brief paragraph taken from one 閱讀理解. I really didn't do that to gain attention and concern, believe it or not.

沒想到 SY consoled me and gave me encouragement. I really never expected it, cos I wasn't very close to her. The only time I talked to her was a brief one while waiting for CW in his class. And previously we only 'talked' through Twitter, which I had quit months ago. So yes it's a pleasant surprise for me.

插段話: The above is one reason why I quit Twitter and Facebook. When my depression periods hit last year, I would take it out on Twitter and Facebook. I get really depressed, so I would tweet very depressing stuff.

When people concern me and ask why, I don't really have a solid reason to give. At least for others, they could say it's cos of friends, family, studies, etc. Me? 'Er ... just everything.' It's no surprise if people would even think I'm being emo for the sake of getting attention.

Therefore, I might as well spare people this trouble by not having such networks. Especially Twitter, where it is 'normal' to spam tweets, as compared to Facebook. It just makes me spam depressing tweets, which actually makes me worse.

~

Today was a second consultation of chem. T didn't come this time, since he didn't submit TYS papers and today was to go through it.

Mrs T put it bluntly to me that if I were to continue with my current style of answering, I would be looking forward to a B. And of course, that's not what I'm expecting.

She identified my vital error: I was not writing enough. She told me that through my answers, she could tell the intrinsic thought process. However, Cambridge markers just do not think that way; they mark strictly by fact. My answers, when presented to them, would be perceived as someone who does not know chemistry well.

Mrs T also guided me with data-based questions. She gave me tips as to how to handle these questions. For each question that I have missing information, she would ask me the intermediate steps. I could get them correct. So it really shows that I know, but I'm not 'doing the question justice', in her own words.

~

Tomorrow there is an SS mock paper at 8. I am really hopping to do well for at least SBQ, cos I don't want to waste what Ms K had taught last Saturday.

As for SEQ ... I need to diligently do links for factors. I need to befriend the textbook soon. As of post time, there is only about 5 hours left for me to study SS. I have of course not counted sleeping and eating times.

5 hours, which means I can only study at most two themes. Never mind. I would study two themes then, trying my best for it. The focus is really on SBQ tomorrow.

TTFN.


15 October 2012:

Здравствуйте with love.

Once upon a time there lived a family of mice. They were constantly threatened by a cat in the house. The little mice constantly stayed in the mouse hole cos they dare not venture out. One day when the cat was preying outside the hole, the mother mice let out a loud ferocious bark. The cat squealed in fright and ran off, never to return. The mother mice looked delightedly at her children. 'Seems like my foreign language lessons are working,' she told them.

This joke was originally in Chinese, I read it from some Chinese book. (#youdontsay)  Anyway today I was approached by a Korean couple in the bus. They wanted to head to East Coast Seafood Centre but didn't know how.

I mistook them for PRCs and asked whether they knew how to speak Chinese. Luckily they didn't take offense. The man was not as clear in his pronunciation, so at the start I kept asking him to repeat. Luckily the wife gave me a tourist guide and pointed at the spot.

From there I was able to tell them roughly how. It was even better when they provided me with a map so I showed them where they were travelling to. That put them at ease, previously they were panicking a little.

I dropped at the same stop as them. So I led them near to the underpass leading to ECP, and used Google Maps to show them how to walk. I hope that they understood me. The wife kept nodding and saying 'oh', so I presumed they know after all.

I hope they're there now eating satay beehoon or something else. Then at least I would have accomplished my mission.

I was thinking to myself just now 'why were they not Russians?' but then again, I don't know enough Russian. Maybe after здравствуйте and добрый день I would have to use English. Alright after O Levels I'm gonna learn Russian and hopefully help Russians in the future.

~

Today was not bad; I managed to finish one SS paper and one compre. Okay, that's actually very little I know. And it's 7 days more to O Levels. Not good.

I really should send essays to Ms C these few days for her to mark. Ms C was so cooperative just now, helping us tease GY and his girlfriend. We were all at the canteen, but GY was with her while we were far away. Ms C purposely went over and talked to the girlfriend, I wonder what she said.

GY got 愛心早餐 from her today. He was even eating the biscuits in English consultation. Ms C: 'Aiyo your girlfriend make for you then you never share with your friends?' But how can share right the <3 from his girlfriend of course want keep all lah heh. Now I'm jealous lah.

I want girlfriend! Okay kidding lah but haiz 一個兩個 got girlfriend, left me this unwanted person. Now A and I can 相依為命. No wait he has D ... T_T

Alright maybe I should focus on O Levels first eh. Get my 6 points and girls would be attracted to nerdboy96! Hahah I think I'm a little high today you should know this is not my usual blogging style.

I wonder what breakfast GY is getting tomorrow. Today's one was rather nice. Some biscuits, two sticks of the I-don't-know-how-to-say and a heart-shaped sandwich. Aw. Anyone making for me? I'm okay with meepok or bak chor mee, I very 隨便 one. And you can add more ketchup for meepok, more minced pork for bak chor mee.

... Enough of my hallucinations lah horh. 我寂寞寂寞就好 heh.

TTFN.


14 October 2012:

Day of hard truths.

I'm really lazy to elaborate, but let's just say that the world isn't as nice as it seems. Even temples can scam people. I'm rather disappointed, but then again you may wanna say I'm too naive.

Anyway there's karma right? So whatever the temple did, if they 問心無愧, then oh well. I'll just see whether 業障 hits them or not. I can only say that it was 緣 for me to waste 1.5 hours.

I know it's not very right to say this, but maybe it's because there were PRCs. Not all are evil, but a lot are. I really don't know, and never will I suppose.

~

Today this sentence that my teacher said hit me hard: 'You are competing with the whole of Singapore.'

I used to think that my maths and AMaths were good. Of course not the kind where I get 90+%, but at least more than 75%. Because of that I often neglected both maths subjects to pay attention on others. Mrs P cautioned us that while this is not wrong, we should not over-neglect maths.

I didn't really listen, and during prelims I felt the effects of it. My maths and AMaths deteriorated by at least 5 marks. That's a grade. (Well I still got A so it's not really affecting L1R5.) But if I compare based on marks, many people are winning me in the cohort.

The maths department likes to release the names of people getting A1 - B4. During MYE I was in the top 150 at least. Now I am between 200 - 250, I think. No matter what, I have worsened. The worst thing is that people are improving.

A column on the list was what I received during MYE. I checked many others, they all got lower. Mine was the rare drop amidst all the improvements. That already is worth reflecting. Today came another 'wake-up call'.

My tuition teacher gave me a set of questions taken from various schools' prelim papers for EMaths. She told me to do some. I set out alright, managing to complete the questions. After completing around 5 of them, she marked my paper.

Along with marking my paper there were also two other scripts. They were from her other students in better schools. She made all her Sec 4 students do the same set to compare our standards.

My tuition teacher exempted me from some questions because she felt I was better. But my answers proved her wrong. I got some simple questions wrong, while they got it correct. When the scores were totalled, I got the lowest although it's still >70%.

It's really true that for EMaths an A1 is worth more than 75 marks. And I really need to work for both maths now. It's 8 days to O Levels.

TTFN.

親愛的 niece: would you please use some punctuation? I'm not being a grammar Nazi here but I really don't know what words are replying to what stuff. And I said you could ask me about the names ah I never say I not telling you.


13 October 2012:

(Untitled.)

Firstly answering my niece. I don't know what's my third-last post, so I don't know which one you're talking about. But yeah of course GY isn't your that GY. You'd be heartbroken if he had a girlfriend eh. Unless it's you. Cough cough mega cough.

Well I have this habit of initialising names so sorry that you don't know who's who. Maybe you could ask me next time who's who. Anyway, I don't know who you're referring to either. Who's 'c'? Ha so we're equally puzzled.

'SY and I' not 'me and SY'. Okay fine ignore this grammar Nazi.

佛教講求「緣」。
So why make yourself upset over people that leave or do not leave? When the 緣分 is up, that's it. If it's not up, that person would just 揮之不去. (I'm instantly reminded of someone.)

~

It's nine days to O Levels.

~

I've been trying to read some 佛經 recently, but it's not easy. Unlike Christianity or Islam where there is the Bible or Quran respectively, I don't seem to find a 'holy book'. It's even harder cos I'm doing this on my own, while others are led by 'seniors' or parents.

The 佛經s that I find on apps are in 文言文 or some ancient form of Chinese, so it's difficult to read and interpret. Besides, lots of names in Buddhism are translated from Sanskrit, so that makes it even harder cos their Chinese equivalent can sound quite weird and not easily understandable.

TTFN.



12 October 2012:

剛打完太極,好累嘞。

自從四月多「推出江湖」之後,我便沒有再打一套太極了。連簡單的24式都沒有。前個體育課跟教練說了下,他說他也是。但是他至少偶爾有在訓練的時候示範,我可根本完全沒有。

剛才看了新傳媒的舊片《野蠻親家》(2004年)第一集,當中有幾個武打場面。雖然只是簡單的幾招過手,不過這已經讓我心血來潮了。我想武術的人是這樣吧。

提一下:我寫了電郵給新傳媒的反饋部(tellchannel8@mediacorp.com.sg),建議他們在網站上提供這個片。有很多舊戲都上載了,就是這個我自認很好看的戲不在那裡。希望他們能夠上載,不然我在Youtube也很難看這戲,太舊了沒人上載。戲里有清海教練。

我知道太極跟武術很不一樣,一個快一個慢。不過。。。對我來說能打出來的都一樣啦。看完了一集(我也只有一集可以看),便到客廳去把整套42式太極拳給打出來。

現在我是個汗人。對的,我滿身是汗,仿佛做了激烈運動一樣。千萬別以為太極只是「慢吞吞有氣無力的東西」,那是因為練的人沒有盡力。它不至於練內功,但也不是想其他武術套路那樣,迸發就沒了。

太極慢,所以難。比如一個蹲的動作,就相當考腿部肌肉。尤其是膝蓋以上的那帶肌肉,我每每練完都會發熱。如果用科學來解釋,那是因為那裡肌肉的氧氣需求增加,同時細胞進行呼吸作用的速率增加了。那呼吸作用的其中一個產物就是能量。所以我的肌肉會發熱,就是這些能量因為比平時多出許多。

好了,扯遠了。總之,太極好。哈哈非常沒有說服力吧。也許有天你嘗試了就知道。我想,學校應該讓學生在體育課時學太極,不是棍。這樣也可以培養他們的耐力和自律精神。(都說了太極的好處多。)

距離O水準還有10天。大家加油啊。

就這樣。

給我侄女的一些話。前幾天我對你的態度甚是不禮貌。在這裡叔叔跟你道歉呀。


11 October 2012:

Such should be the way forward.


In the above you see:

- A very brave member of the LGBT community. I say she is very brave because not many LGBTs dare to admit and 'come out of the closet', especially in a bigoted society like Singapore's. As she stated, some LGBTs leave or are leaving Singapore cos of the discrimination. (Some people say that LGBTs don't get recognition cos Singapore's society is conservative. No, that is not the problem. The problem is overt bigotry. What is acceptable now may be a no-no years ago. Conservatism is relative to the period of time in mention. Bigotry is absolute.)
 - A very gentlemanly and open minister and member of parliament. Frankly speaking Mr Shanmugam could have ignored her comment, as some officeholders with Facebook do. But he replied, and even helped by offering her viewpoints to the relevant people. Of course he does the usual disclaimer which I think it's fine here.
- A new form of governance where social media plays a part in how politicians listen to people's concerns. Even such concerns - not related at all to financial gain - are being addressed and not placed on hold for other 'more important' concerns.


Within three days he answered a comment by someone else, also regarding LGBT and policy making. Certainly my impression of Mr Shanmugam has changed for the better. Sadly PM Lee isn't as active in replying. I wish he were though, although he is busier, lah.

If this is the way that things are gonna progress generally, then I really don't mind having a strong opposition but stronger ruling party. The opposition definitely should be there for checks and balances, but also for some spice in parliament, just like in Australia.

TTFN.

By the way, I am not commending this Facebook post because it is about LGBT rights. I am commending it for the big picture of active communication between public and government. So any homophobes out there should shut up if you're planning a rebuttal.


10 October 2012:

Heard of 塞翁失馬焉知非福?

Yes I should have shut my mouth about the past two days being good. Cos today wasn't. Okay lah, it wasn't that bad, but at times I felt like cringing. Remember A whom I mentioned in yesterday's post? Yeah today he really made me angry.

I met A at 9 in the morning. Things were still alright until 12. We went with GY for Chinese consultation. Once there, he was GL mode all the way. W老師 was going through some compo questions since he asked for it.

For almost every question that he went through, A would give lame and weird suggestions. It's not that I am so serious about things that I want total concentration but seriously ...? Must you interrupt every question to wisecrack. In fact, it wasn't wisecracking cos it wasn't witty.

He was rude to teacher and S as well. W老師 had to stop a few times or just say 'um' and continue. S was replying W老師's question when he suddenly said what he was thinking. W老師 thought he was answering on her behalf.

Things were awkward during the consultation, seriously. The weirdest thing is that besides being GL to the extreme, he voices out what he thinks. When we were searching for the answer to a question, he said out his whole thought process.

I'm seriously alright with A lah. But today ... I was really unhappy with him, lorh. Worse was that I had bio consultation after that, and the same behaviour continued. Even Ms T got irritated by him until she curtly cut him off mid-sentence.

Tomorrow I have another Chinese consultation with GY and A. S doesn't want to attend anymore. Maybe V too. I also don't feel like attending but I have a question to ask him. Also, leaving GY alone with A is not nice lah.

Okay lah ... I'm not angry or anything now. Just now I was furious though. I really hope tomorrow wouldn't be so again.

~

GY is rumoured to be attached. Ms C was hinting that she knew everything, when she said 'I sit at the canteen and see everything ...' and ended staring at him. I don't know if it's true, but he does appear to be in close contact with a girl now.

I think the girl would be quite happy, lah if it's true. Cos GY's a nice guy. I was flipping through GY's bio textbook for a diagram to ask Ms T something when I saw ':) L O V E' on a page. SO SWEETZXCZXCZXC! I poked at it and he just looked at me. Oh well.

TTFN.

Too obvious, lah you. Stop it.

Edit: Watch this fantastic video of Australian PM Gillard inveighing against opposition leader Abbot. Very interesting debate. I wonder if Singapore parliament would see this next time. Zaobao just carried an interview with Speaker Palmer, he says that people would do 政治秀 occasionally. Well well.


9 October 2012:

Today and yesterday wasn't bad.

Yesterday marked the first day of graduation from secondary school. I marked it by returning to school for consultation.

G, T and I were supposed to have history consultation at 9. At 0856 I realised that, having spent the time reading newspapers lazily at home. Somehow I thought I had to go out at 9, and was still happy that everything was as planned.

I was about to inform G that I would be really late, and that both of them should just go ahead with it. Then she texted me to say whether the consultation could be postponed, cos both of them wanted to attend physics briefing which ended at 10.

Thankfully Mr T agreed to it, though he said that he had to leave before 11. So, I wasn't late after all and G and T were able to attend physics fully. (I wish I went for physics too ...)

The session went well. We did get 'kicked out' of the discussion room, though. Mrs P had booked the room, so we had to siam. She offered to share the room but I think she would regret it cos Mr T's voice is very booming. How to do AMaths when you have someone talking about Hitler and Stalin?

We moved to the area at the fourth floor lift. The view from there was nice, except there were panels to block rain and shine. History consultation proceeded. I learnt that why I was getting low marks was because my explanation was not full. Mr T told me where I should elaborate on.

Throughout the consultation I could tell that G was affected by the weather. The sun was being an arse by shining so hard when it was only 10 in the morning. She didn't tie her hair up so she lifted the whole bunch and fanned herself. She was quite flustered.

After the consultation I lingered around the concourse. PSG was having their hand-over ceremony and P and VPs were invited there. I was talking to T and pointing to the art installation outside LT1 when the VP turned around. It was such a coincidence that I pointed in her direction. She walked over and told me stuff, but I was shell-shocked cos I thought what happened. She was wearing a cheongsam. I think the VP has a nice figure (seriously not in a perverted sense) so she looks good when she wears nicely. (As compared to the other VP ... Let's just say the other just dresses comfortably.)

When T left I saw YJ and LJ studying. I went over and read 聯合早報. Yesterday's edition of Zaobao had this interesting infographic of the selection process for the 十八大. I really regret not buying Zaobao yesterday. I wanted to keep and read it properly; I was just scanning the articles there.

I finished reading them papers around 1.5 hours later and went to buy lunch. Both of them had finished eating at 11, so I dabao-ed and brought the food to the concourse. I felt guilty cos I ended up throwing half the packet. The kind auntie was so generous and gave me large servings. I was also greedy and ordered more than usual. (Okay lah actually the auntie is giving me more cos if not also throw away ... lesser of two evils.)

LJ was complaining about how hot it was, how 酸 his back was and etc. so we moved to the library. There sure was colder with air con and more comfortable since there were chairs.

Two hours later we went home. Halfway while walking out I discovered that they were supposed to go the opposite direction but were walking with me ... guilty much. Luckily they could take the bus to reach there too.

~

Today I got paranoid about the timing of consultation, so I reached at 0830 when it was also at 9. Actually, I reached even earlier, about 0820. With 40 minutes to spare, I finished Nov 2004 compre summary that we were supposed to complete for consultation. I didn't know till I asked A last night. I chiong-ed the C&V last night.

I went to the fish tank. Barely five minutes later, Ms L came in and hollered that we were to get out cos it was an exam venue for Sec 3s. So I packed my stuff and moved. Cos almost everywhere was occupied, I went to yesterday's spot.

I managed to finish summary although I was rather restless. A and T were listening to some video and it was loud despite the fact that I had put on music myself. Can't blame them though, they were bored too.

I went to the book shop to buy pens but the auntie wasn't around. So I went back, wasted trip #1. It was 0859 so we headed down and waited outside discussion room. We waited for about 15 minutes and Ms C was not here. GY called her.

Turns out that JL sent her a message that she would be late, so Ms C stayed in the office. She thought it was one of us. The blur JL somehow joined our slot. She says she told Ms C that she was coming, but the funny thing was our names were already there since long ago ...

The facepalm-worth JL tried to force open the door of the discussion room. She somehow didn't know that it was controlled by the magnetic lock. She kept on twisting the knob and banged it so hard Ms C thought what happened. She joined us about 15 minutes later and she was shocked herself why we were there. (Cute though.)

We were going through the compre and she just sat there lost and flustered. (I think she ran over in a hurry.) She didn't have her TYS cos she wanted to do compo stuff, so I lent her mine and Ms C told her to do the same compre without listening to us going through it. Quite a mission impossible ah, cos how can anyone concentrate like that. I think she only did three questions after an hour.

I got 16 / 25 for the compre and 19 / 25 for the summary. 16 was the highest I ever received for a compre. But according to Ms C it isn't good lah cos it's O Level compre and we're supposed to get at least 19. In my defence, I was careless on one question and for two other, it was stupid wrong subject reference.

As for summary ... Ms C gave me 4 / 10 for language cos I didn't use any connectors. She told me I needed 15 / 15 for points. And I slowly circled 15 points out, happy like a happy person. (Good description, right?) Okay lah but Ms C didn't check it so it may not be 15 due to subject reference. (Just make me happy lah please, let me get 35 / 50 or 70%.)

A and GY got into an argument halfway through. GY was so serious about some education policy thing and A was being GL as usual. (Truth be told A can be irritating at times when he just doesn't know when to stop.) So the both of them went into debate mode while T and I looked on. Ms C used the time to help JL instead.

Halfway through Mrs I just opened the door and told JL she gave the wrong answer yesterday. So everyone listened to how frequency should be equal like wavelength. We were all puzzled except JL (of course). JL then asked after she left: "Eh then how she open the door?" Haiz why is she so cute blur. (Then some confusion and some parts that I forgot.) We left while JL remained with Ms C.

I went to concourse and saw YJ. JQ was waving eagerly at me. I purposely waved back at her but ignored her boyfriend hahah. When I looked back YJ was styling his hair, hahah, his signature move after getting dao-ed heh. But okay lah he knows I'm just playing lah ... horh.

I tried doing some work in the other end of the concourse and there was this group of 6 Sec 2 guys. Two of them were PRCs, and they kept saying 哇草 about how they couldn't remember the food tests for biology. C'mon lah your brain lousy or stressed or what don't need let the whole world know right. It was so noisy!

Luckily these people left after half an hour. I actually knew someone from the group but I didn't want him to be awkward if I asked him to remind his friends. I wonder how was their bio paper.

It was around 1130 and I tried going to the bookshop again. Wasted trip #2. It was another half an hour before I could finally buy my pens. I wonder what the auntie was doing when she MIA-ed.

During lunch YJ came over to eat. He wanted to accompany JQ, but decided to 輕色重友 for once. After lunch I went to the library to study.

I met T there (different T) and persuaded her not to go for bio mock. I wasn't successful hahah. Actually, I last-minute decided to go cos I realised Ms T would mark the paper! So I could check my phrasing. But I think I did a lousy job cos I didn't study at all. I wasn't prepared to do it then.

I reached the hall 10 minutes late and 慢條斯理 went to take the paper. Thankfully I spent 15 minutes glancing through my own copy before that. I anyhow-ly answered the questions ... I certainly don't think I can score well.

Throughout the paper I kept thinking whether or not it was worth it, what was T thinking, etc. Actually not only T, but others whom I said I'm not going. Maybe I'm more sensitive, but I think there'll be some who would find my behaviour 出爾反爾, and maybe think I'm hypocritical?

娘要嫁人,天要下雨,由他去吧。 said Chairman Mao.
你要亂想,說我虛偽,去你媽的! says singzeon.

(I think I have a flair for poetry. Just kidding.)

After the bio paper I lingered around. I actually left early cos I anyhow-ly did the paper and just submitted. I even learnt that I was supposed to do both EITHER/OR questions but I chose one. Oops.

It was around 1545 that I left. Along the way I met LK. I was supposed to help SJ in physics, but ended up talking with a British accent. That encounter got me interested in researching about British accents. I think it's not well-known that actually there are many accents within UK, cos of area differences.

I did a countryside accent just now and LK said it was horrible. Well for one maybe I didn't do it well for two it really is meant to sound 'ugly'. I think a lot of people's 'British accent' is actually cockney, which is the most 'famous' accent around. LK says WH does a good accent, I'd like to see which kind it is. If it's not cockney then that's swell.

If you are still reading on, this means you're a fab person. And fab people get to follow me on Instagram! (Okay that flopped eh.) Anyway my Instagram is @singzeon so do follow if you may. Be warned though I recently am obsessed with emo cheena stuff so you'll see more of it. For a short while I was even charmed by Stalin's moustache.

TTFN.

Just something to add about the Amy Cheong incident. As usual, Singaporeans (especially those online) are feisty about such things. Previous incidents included the one where we were compared to dogs. (Guess what, we lost to dogs!) Anyway, my point is that we should be glad we have this national spirit within us.

While some of us have gone overboard in slamming her, this still shows how fiercely protective we are of multi-racialism. Even Chinese were slamming her. Try seeing that in other countries. This is definitely one thing that makes Singapore stand out from being a little red dot. PM Lee is in Australia and New Zealand these few days; I wonder think his counterparts there would have been impressed of such racial harmony amongst Singaporeans.

Indeed, even if you disagree with all other policies of the government, this is one that if you do not believe in, get out of Singapore. Everyone must accept that he / she is in a multi-racial environment and everywhere you would meet people of other races. So face it or get lost yeah. Majulah Singapura.


6 October 2012:

If you've watched Skins then you'll know how I feel now.

At the end of the second season, the group got together with their A Level results envelopes in their hands. They sat around a campfire and got each other to open the results slip. It was a pact made by them to keep the results slip till they meet and open it together. (On an unrelated note Anwar opened it beforehand.)

Some in the group had good results. Others had lousy ones. From then on, they would be separated in their paths. I remember Maxxie going to some dance school, while Tony went to a university, if I'm not wrong.

勞燕分飛;分道揚鑣。

It's natural that people separate but it's a little 可惜. Especially when you spent two years nurturing close friendships. Of course these friendships can be maintained given the determination from both parties, but it's more difficult with a location barrier.

Some may feel lousy cos they went to a less-good school and feel inferior thus not keeping in contact with their friends. In turn these friends fear that things would turn awkward with a lack of common topic.

One person that I wish could go to the same class next time as me would be G. It's not because I have any feelings for her. (I'm sure there's someone waiting already.) It's because her attitude is largely like mine, 志同道合. Yes sometimes she can PMS really badly and T and I have to siam, but c'mon it's one or two days per month so it's still alright lah.

Also G treats people sincerely. She isn't the kind who slips on a mask in front of people whom she doesn't like. (Unless I've been talking to her mask all this while ...) It's really a pity she's going to TJC through DSA.

She can't forfeit now, though. It's not good for her as well, she'll be blacklisted as a 'betrayer' amongst schools. G scored rather well during this prelims, and I really think she would do even better during O Levels, so it's a pity that she is 'stuck' at TJC. Not saying it's bad though, but maybe there are other schools that can further stretch her potential.

I should thank T. He used to read some posts of mine; I don't know if you're still reading. T has been beside me for almost a year, I guess. And he has bore all the nonsense I threw him. My lame jokes are horrible, yet he doesn't put me down. (He gives 'encouraging' laughter which is obviously fake.)

I used to be so mad at him previously but luckily that settled quickly. T didn't score really well during this prelims, it's really a pity. Especially when he could have got 10+ more marks if not for the careless mistakes ... That's two grades or more. Which also means a decrease of two points or less.

Nevertheless I am confident T is able to do well for O Levels. So long as he stops 拍拖-ing with WQ concentrates more on his work. 船到橋頭自然直。

LJ said something about his close friends having a girlfriend one-by-one. (I think I said this before.) Yeah and T advised me to 'be nice'. I've been thinking about that two words. Lots of stuff to unpack, I guess. You may say I'm just stupid cos I should be focusing on studies first especially now ... True that.

That's why recently I'm rather 糾結. I finally understand what the two words mean. It's not just temporary troubles. It's a multi-layered trouble that gets you thinking. Yet as you think you get more and more tied up with the options and consequences.

When I am 糾結 I make the wrong decisions, sometimes. Like how I deleted JL's number. Now I regret it. I was very tormented by her running around my mind. (I wonder if she got tired from all that running.) So I thought if I could 斬草除根, it'll be best for the both of us. But ... 藕斷絲連 lah.

On the last day of school taking the bus home I asked me if I had anymore feelings for her. I said no, and jokingly said I changed target to V (who was beside me). (Okay lah V very cute but anyway ... she has CH waiting, right?) Anyway back to the point. V said something about how 可惜 it has been since it's four years. Well that's what some people told me as well. Oh well Scorpios like me are very sentimental. My niece is another example.

I was stalking browsing through my niece's blog post where it was photo flooded. There were so many pictures of smiling people. Mainly girls though, but that's not the point. The point is, such a scenario would never happen in my class. As mentioned in earlier posts, my class is too separated.

D previously tried to get every guy to pair up with a girl for our seating. The plan met with disapproval from some guys. I was actually a proponent for the plan (not only because I would sit with JL). The guys did not want to be separated so that they could continue to play card games at the last row of the class. I generally am okay with them but for this point I do not agree with them. In my opinion, this is a major fact that led to the class to continue being so spilt. (It feels like a judgement essay question, right?)

It's too late, anyway. There's no point thinking about all this lah cos the class is no more. We shall meet again on 22 October, but by then we would actually be rivals, fighting for marks. I won't be surprised if some people actually 翻臉 before that due to studies-related stuff, not only from my class.

(Random thought: I still think Mitch Hewer from Skins is super hot. I don't believe in the saying that 'girls can call others hot but guys can't unless they're gay'.)

Okay that random thought actually broke my train of thoughts. I think if you opened my brain you would see a mess inside. There's studies, relationships, Stefanie Sun, and etc. (Okay lah I'm not a 'stan' - stalker fan - but I recently read her reports so just thought of her.)

I reactivated Facebook yesterday. I just wanted to casually browse through and see the general sentiment of people. Mr Chua posted something about us graduating. People from my batch were typing emo-nemo stuff as well.

After that I deactivated it again. Anyway, Facebook was subtly changing me over to Timeline. It gave me a one week deadline, or I could click a button to change now. Obviously not gonna change, am I.

Speaking of that, I wonder what's Twitter like nowadays. I heard there's something like a cover photo for Twitter users as well now. Do people still post idiotic and random stuff (like what I did) there? Okay lah, not all. (Maybe only me.) I have quit Twitter for around five months now.

To be honest I feel slightly out of touch. My close friends are communicating with each other on Twitter, and I'm not there. I definitely can't blame anyone from excluding me cos this time I made the choice, for better or worse. I always had a thought: what did those people who I met on Twitter think when I suddenly disappeared? A day or two before I quit Twitter, I talked to L. I was trying to patch things up (or you could say get to know him) since last year's incident. He replied a few tweets and I quit. There's absolutely no relation there but it was a bit too coincidental.

I did think of staying on but it didn't seem logical. Actually, maybe people won't even notice. The earliest someone asked me about my Twitter was two months after. So I need not worry so much about offending people or what they think then.

Maybe I have to reactivate Facebook when I reach JC. It seems like orientation leaders are so high-tech nowadays that they find you through Facebook and friend you first. I don't wanna complicate their and my job then.

This is another long post, eh? I think I'm used to writing >1000 word posts. I pity you readers (anyone even?) who actually bother to read through all these. By the way, I'm not done.

I have created Instagram! (Same username I use everywhere for it.) Please follow me if you wish, but be warned that some of my photos are simply boring. I take stuff mainly at home, I'm not the kind who Instagrams every scenery they meet outside of house.

I tried the 'find friends' function just now and indeed found some people whom I know. I feel like following them but I feel rather excluded to begin with. I feel like I'm an interloper that doesn't even offer interesting pictures. Everyone's in their cliques there and I feel awkward as well. Should I be very 厚臉皮 and just follow around? I don't want a repeat of Twitter.

I'm listening to Symphony 92.4 FM (don't judge me) and this live voice just appeared after hours of non-stop music (with some adverts). And immediately I thought blimey that's sad for her! To be working the weekend night shift on radio where you at most announce stuff once or twice but be there the whole time ... That sucks, eh? (Well she gets paid, but still.)

I think I've been blogging for more than an hour. I ain't tired, but I'm mentally exhausted when typing all these. To re-live the feelings and emotions I felt then all over again, that is difficult. So I shall stop here, I wonder if there's 2000 words this time. Here's the four letters you've been waiting for:

TTFN.

If you're really that curious ... 1685 words.


5 October 2012:

I have graduated from secondary school.

Four years have passed since I started secondary school. This school was my first choice. However, I must clarify that I had no choice to put it as first choice. My results then were lousy (for schools such as Victoria) and this school was the best I could try for. Even then, it was no guarantee. Thankfully, I went in, my T-score being the cut-off point.

Since then, the cut-off point for my school has dropped by around one point a year. This makes it seem like a lousy school. But no, I can say that at least the teachers are not lousy. (Most.)

I'm not here to sing praises of my school just cos I graduated from it. What I say is really from my heart. On the whole, I do think that the whole system of the school is good. I may have many grievances about some small details of the system, but I'll still proudly defend the school if need be.

I would urge any P6s reading this to try for my school if it is within your reach. I can say that the teachers and our school leaders there are committed enough to ensure you have a good secondary education. (At least for the upper sec teachers. I don't know most lower sec teachers anymore.)

~

Over the four years as a councillor, I have interacted with students, mainly those younger than me. It has been a pleasant journey for me, with certain hiccups.

I think I'm a controversial person. I have made seniors unhappy with me (until they wanted to remove me), some teachers not really happy with me and maybe even people from my batch. I seem to stir lots of trouble.

Confession: I have (almost) misused my power as a councillor once in Sec 1. Then I was new to the board. Our seniors told us not to book people anyhow. Yet I booked my classmate for eating in class though it was actually cos she was so annoying and irritating. She really ate in class but actually this is still misuse cos my intent behind it was not genuine. She got really angry and nearly wanted to see my senior (the one which I disliked greatly). Thankfully the episode ended peacefully. She and I are on good terms since then and we both have grown lots.

As a Sec 4 now (this year), I try not to be so 'attention-grabbing'. I just try to do whatever is necessary and don't be so 大大咧咧. Hopefully that improved my 'reputation'.

I don't think I'll really do a whole recollection of my secondary school life, cos I have no patience for that. I have many, many details to talk about so that certainly would be too long.

~

Today seems to be a day of revelation. I found out two things. One was major, one was minor.

My junior J wrote to me today that one year ago she didn't receive the picture I had tweeted her. I had tweeted her the print-screen of some 作文 guidelines cos she needed help. Then she responded and thanked me. Now she tells me that then she opened it and saw the scenery of a car park.

... I was dumbfounded then. It's just so weird. Luckily this was a small thing. I did feel like Tony in The Sense of an Ending though, having a secret revealed to him.

The other thing I discovered was something bigger. I do not wish the elaborate here. I feel very, very cheated. But actually, I think I should have expected it a long time ago. Nevertheless I feel rather 心寒 as I never expected 人性 to be so 虛偽.

I believe in karma. I was really guilty towards you then, I thought I caused you hurt. Now as things are slowly being revealed to me and possibly people around me, I don't think I deserve to be guilty. I may have caused you some hurt but you brought about this to yourself.

I am graduating now so I am never gonna see you again in school. And if we do, I shall not bother about you. In fact, I have stopped bothering about you ever since that fateful day. I will continue treating you like nought.

~

To repeat what I said yesterday: We lead bloody epic lives, lah.

I feel a tinge of sadness that some people have already DSA-ed into JCs. This way they are confirmed separated from me next time. At least if you wait till O Level results, there is still a chance that you would get into the same school as the person.

Never mind. 人有悲歡離合,月有陰晴圓缺,此事古難全。 Nothing to be sad about lah, horh. I should move on. I'll look forward to gain new friends in JC while retaining close friends from secondary school.

TTFN.


4 October 2012:

Today and yesterday felt like a rectified inverse sine wave.


I really felt like that these two days. Not during school hours, but after dismissal when I stayed back.

So many things happened from 1330 and 1430 today and yesterday. I feel really exhausted, and don't really want to talk about it. (Quite ironic, though, cos I wanted to blog and rant.)

Today seemed to be a culmination of the depressing period. My graph would have gone all the way down at the end, but I didn't know how to make that.

I had a heart-to-heart talk with T. About who he liked, who I liked, and what happened in between all that. I really feel like writing a book similar to 那些年, chronicling what happened since Sec 3. Actually I think many people had this idea but none were as successful as 九把刀.

We all lead bloody epic lives, lah.

T said I sounded desperate for a girl. Maybe to a certain extent? Or maybe you could say I'm just jealous cos a few people around me have found theirs.

He gave me a piece of advice which was to 'be nice' to girls when in JC (, seeing that I probably wouldn't have a chance anymore in CCHMS). Well ... I'll seriously work on that.

JL said I changed and matured a lot ever since Sec 3. I don't really think so, I'm still immature eh.

These two days have been some sort of reflection days. Maybe that's why I'm feeling this way. Tomorrow is the last day together as a class. We may probably see each other again in the next two weeks but not as a class.

G asked me today who I would miss. (It was because I jokingly asked her who she would miss besides me.) I said I would miss no one. For those 熟人, I won't miss you cos I'll keep in contact with you. For those non-熟人, I still won't miss you cos 早走早好.

Tomorrow some boys from our class are playing football against the PE teachers. QB is playing too. I've played against him two years ago and whoa he really is good in football (and taichi). Even QB is leaving soon. I feel like doing some farewell thing for him but I don't know how and should I.

Tomorrow I shall try to feel like 0.5sinx + 4. Even at my lowest point, I'm still positive about things.

TTFN.


2 October 2012:

I think we face probability trees every day.

That's how it feels for me. There's so many choices. Some are small like eating now or later. Others are big like whether I'll take H2 Chinese next year.

And whenever we make a choice, there'll be the wheel of karma spinning around. From the action that we take, there'll be good or bad karma that'll affect us eventually.

~

I was recommending G some buddhist apps just now in class. It's a bit funny for her cos she's Taoist but she prays to 觀音娘娘. So I really wonder is she buddhist or Taoist.

I went to read up on Taoism at Wikipedia and it turns out that 太極拳 that I've been practising since P6 is sort-of Taoist. I never knew that. 太極拳 is considered 內家拳, which emphasises on the philosophical part more instead of the physiological part. Sadly I've never experienced the 氣 or what not.

~

I heard unconfirmed rumours that the culprit of yesterday's window incident actually stole another class' window pane and fixed it to ours. -rolls eyes- If that is true, another class is gonna be questioned for why their window pane disappeared.

I really ... cannot fathom. Never mind, it is none of my business, right? (This info does tally with my observation yesterday, though.)

~

I really don't like it when some people practise double standards. I made that request previously. How long did it take? Weeks. She made that request only recently. Yet she got it already.

I probably should accept my position and not complain about it anymore. Anyway perhaps with my character and all that, I'm just not the kind that people consider first.

TTFN.



1 October 2012:

What an exhuasting start to the month of October.

1. My lame jokes
Throughout the whole day, I told at least 6 people two rather long jokes that were actually lame. They were not very amused by the end of it. Come to think of it, I at least wasted 6 minutes per person or 36 minutes in total telling all those jokes. This has to stop.

2. The broken window
Our class window broke today. Okay, one panel of one pane broke. As usual, it was you-know-who that did it. I definitely don't think it's intentional, but with the way they were 'playing', things were bound to happen. Ms T was very, very angry. She hollered at them. I was very near her (or rather she walked to near my seat) and hollered. Poor eardrums of mine.

I don't know what's going to happen after this. Just now before leaving class, the culprit came back sneakily. I should not speculate and wrongly accuse him, but it is very rare of him to return especially since it was nearing 5.

3. A heated discussion
I was with V, I and T just now. We were discussing of having an investiture committee chalet after O Levels. Along the way, things turned heated.

I wouldn't say that we 翻臉-ed, but the atmosphere were tense. T and I, being guys, were less mature and sometimes couldn't 察言觀色 and annoyed I or V. Not a good thing to do, cos the both of them are girls who don't get angry easily.

All in all, ... things are so messy. I said the investiture committee is a very controversial one. I agree. We all are student leaders, but amongst us we have our own politics being played around. X is friends with Y and Z. Z and Y dislike each other. And such a pattern is only level 1 of our relationships.

If I could remember things since how they played out in Sec 3 when we knew each other, I probably could write a book. But anyway, now I am iOS 4. I haven't been updated for long of what happened. Within a short matter of a few months, so many things have happened. People whom I thought were alright with each other actually 翻臉-ed. Some just had things against someone else.

It was so difficult planning for the chalet. In the end something else was planned, but still that wasn't very ideal. Nevertheless, it's better than nothing.

4. An over-concerned friend
I know I have an oily face. It's hereditary. I'm not blaming my parents; it's just a fact. Since weeks ago, T has been telling me about how I should wash my face more regularly and etc. I fully understand his concern for me but I think there's a limit to that. I really do not need him to mention it to me every day.

5. Little time left
Today is 1 Oct. 80% of the school would leave the school on 5 Oct. They have the choice of not returning till 22 Oct, where they take O Levels. Wow, it's fast ain't it? Four years and it's ending soon.

Am I sad? No. Do I regret? Not really.

For one, I am a 'heartless' person. I do not cry or tear or anything unless it's somehow really touching. (Okay ... I did cry while reading a novel about this deer dying of pneumonia ... But that was last time!) I hate goodbyes. You may interpret it in two ways. (1) I do not want to people to leave. (2) Even if they leave, I'm not really going to be all emotional over it.

To me, it's simple. If you are a close friend to me, I do not to miss you since we would take time out and meet up occasionally. If you are not, good riddance to you, nice meeting you. To me it's really like that. I admit that I have too many acquaintances and little friends. So I suppose you can figure out which condition applies to me more.

6. Our fractured class
In connection with No. 5, one of the things I regret slightly was how our class is fractured. It's fractured into cliques, boys stick to boys and girls stick to girls. I don't know if other classes are like that, but I still don't think it should be the case.

In a class, there'll definitely be people who are closer to each other cos of the same previous class or other reasons. But I don't think that because of that, one should just stick to those people and not venture out. B once lamented that our class is too spilt into cliques and that his previous class (in Sec 2) was not like that. Well, I thought, what have you done to help?

To be fair, almost no one is doing anything. I suppose even if anyone had the 心 to help, it'll be more of 心有餘而力不足. It's too difficult to actually get the class together. I envy those classes whom stick to each other, boys and girls together.

Also, I can say that our form teacher has not done much to actively piece the class together. I am sure that Mr L is not blind to how divided our class is. Yet, there is no action from him. Maybe he too thinks that results are more important? Or maybe he too believes in cliques and doesn't see a real lousy consequence out of this. Either way (or neither), never mind, it's too late.

7. The political tree
In the canteen today there was a tree. I named it 'the political tree'. (I don't know whether it has an actual name.)

The tree, along with other new things appearing in the school, are part of installations done by Sec 3 O Level art students. They are supposed to do this as their end-of-year project, I think.

Of all projects I've seen so far, I think this is the best.

All we students have to do is to look at statements on the tree and use Styrofoam ticks or crosses to indicate whether we agree to it or not. The statements were something about it being alright to eat in class / play football so long as we don't get caught.

This really meets the objectives of art. (1) There is interaction with your audience and (2) it provokes thinking within them. When I saw it I felt it was like a political play where it pushes boundaries. (Hence I called it such.)

I really think that people should try and 'answer' this tree. At the end of it, we could all view how we responded to the statements. Do more people think it's alright or it's wrong to eat in class / play football etc.? This showcases the CCHMS culture I think. Although it's not representative, it nevertheless showcases how we think as a whole.

(And maybe school leaders can look at what people think and make changes. Just how political plays and the like work by pushing for change.)

It's sad that I never got to take a picture of it just now. I accidentally knocked down the many ticks placed at the 'eat in class' statement and was busy placing them back. Maybe I can try tomorrow.

A junior from SC appealed to our classes with a colourful notice of her project. Frankly speaking, I feel that is just 'amateur art'. (Okay, you may say that I don't even know how to paint or draw so I should shut up.)

Her concept was of hanging happy photos of graduating classes on a piece of ribbon in the shape of CCHMS. There is interaction no doubt, but the interaction is minimal, with the class chairman handing photos over and that's it. Also, it doesn't provoke thinking. Yes, we see everyone happy. That's it?

I'm sure Sec 4s all know the final year isn't all happy. There may be friendship troubles or study problems. This installation sounds like one the school would do for parents during graduation night, to show how everyone has 'grown and shined' throughout the four years.

Of course, maybe the markers would think differently from me. Maybe they would regard the ribbon installation as 'pure bliss and happiness showcased through final-year students' and the tree as 'unnecessary deviance of school rules and regulations'. This is possibly what they might think, and sadly the grades awarded would be opposite of what I hope for them.

8. China's National Day
China is 63 years old already, if you count from the time it became Communist. Through these 62 years, it has gone through Cultural Revolution, Great Famine, Great Leap Forward, Tiananmen Massacre and etc. I await a day that their people are fully unmasked from the truth of what happened.

China is undergoing leadership change this year. I hope everything goes well. Previously it mentioned how security would be tightened during the period. That, in my opinion, is very telling of how much discontent the people have.

China would definitely pinpoint trouble-makers as 反革命 people. But look at Britain, Singapore and other countries. During election time, do people rebel and stage protests? 40% of people may dislike PAP, but we still aren't that extreme. Even in Britain it is the same logic. To even prep up security, this shows that you anticipate trouble. If you anticipate trouble, this simply means that something must be wrong so people would create trouble. Would people in nirvana be complaining?

TTFN.

Sorry if this lengthy post just killed your happy mood. But I don't give a damn.



aboutme.

From Singapore. 20 years of age. Blogs as and when inspiration comes, in British English (and Singlish), Traditional Chinese and (hopefully) Russian. Not a lifestyle blogger, expect posts to be serious, dull or even obscure. I enjoy comedy, in particular British humour.



interests.

[more or less in order] medicine | forensics | theatre | modern world history | typography (including style and grammar) | visual design | Taiji | Chinese language and literature | Mandarin pop (and singing) | Apple products.



typography.

PT Serif for main text and links. Ubuntu Condensed for dates, post titles and sidebar headings. Both fonts from Google Web Fonts.



credits.

singzeon. by Sing Zeon is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International Licence. Pictures used here either come from my Instagram (instagram.com/singzeon) or Google image search. For the latter, I do not own those pictures.



quote.

Hard to love. 認真你就輸了。