16 October 2012:
Today and yesterday wasn't really good.
My blog post yesterday seemed very joyous and out of sync with my usual style. I seemed too happy. Maybe I should have taken this as a hint of what was to come at night.At 10 pm last night, depression struck me again. It's been a long time since I've had it. And I definitely wasn't prepared for it. The most peculiar thing is that no matter what, there is this overall negative mood.
Yesterday's one wasn't very serious till I was suicidal or the sort, but it did make me very melancholic. I wasn't being emo. That is when you are in control of yourself and you almost deliberately make yourself sad and insecure for no apparent reason.
I couldn't really stop the sad thoughts from flowing in yesterday. I posted two photos during that period of time, one a sad face and another was a brief paragraph taken from one 閱讀理解. I really didn't do that to gain attention and concern, believe it or not.
沒想到 SY consoled me and gave me encouragement. I really never expected it, cos I wasn't very close to her. The only time I talked to her was a brief one while waiting for CW in his class. And previously we only 'talked' through Twitter, which I had quit months ago. So yes it's a pleasant surprise for me.
插段話: The above is one reason why I quit Twitter and Facebook. When my depression periods hit last year, I would take it out on Twitter and Facebook. I get really depressed, so I would tweet very depressing stuff.
When people concern me and ask why, I don't really have a solid reason to give. At least for others, they could say it's cos of friends, family, studies, etc. Me? 'Er ... just everything.' It's no surprise if people would even think I'm being emo for the sake of getting attention.
Therefore, I might as well spare people this trouble by not having such networks. Especially Twitter, where it is 'normal' to spam tweets, as compared to Facebook. It just makes me spam depressing tweets, which actually makes me worse.
~
Today was a second consultation of chem. T didn't come this time, since he didn't submit TYS papers and today was to go through it.
Mrs T put it bluntly to me that if I were to continue with my current style of answering, I would be looking forward to a B. And of course, that's not what I'm expecting.
She identified my vital error: I was not writing enough. She told me that through my answers, she could tell the intrinsic thought process. However, Cambridge markers just do not think that way; they mark strictly by fact. My answers, when presented to them, would be perceived as someone who does not know chemistry well.
Mrs T also guided me with data-based questions. She gave me tips as to how to handle these questions. For each question that I have missing information, she would ask me the intermediate steps. I could get them correct. So it really shows that I know, but I'm not 'doing the question justice', in her own words.
~
Tomorrow there is an SS mock paper at 8. I am really hopping to do well for at least SBQ, cos I don't want to waste what Ms K had taught last Saturday.
As for SEQ ... I need to diligently do links for factors. I need to befriend the textbook soon. As of post time, there is only about 5 hours left for me to study SS. I have of course not counted sleeping and eating times.
5 hours, which means I can only study at most two themes. Never mind. I would study two themes then, trying my best for it. The focus is really on SBQ tomorrow.
TTFN.