singzeon.

6 October 2012:

If you've watched Skins then you'll know how I feel now.

At the end of the second season, the group got together with their A Level results envelopes in their hands. They sat around a campfire and got each other to open the results slip. It was a pact made by them to keep the results slip till they meet and open it together. (On an unrelated note Anwar opened it beforehand.)

Some in the group had good results. Others had lousy ones. From then on, they would be separated in their paths. I remember Maxxie going to some dance school, while Tony went to a university, if I'm not wrong.

勞燕分飛；分道揚鑣。

It's natural that people separate but it's a little 可惜. Especially when you spent two years nurturing close friendships. Of course these friendships can be maintained given the determination from both parties, but it's more difficult with a location barrier.

Some may feel lousy cos they went to a less-good school and feel inferior thus not keeping in contact with their friends. In turn these friends fear that things would turn awkward with a lack of common topic.

One person that I wish could go to the same class next time as me would be G. It's not because I have any feelings for her. (I'm sure there's someone waiting already.) It's because her attitude is largely like mine, 志同道合. Yes sometimes she can PMS really badly and T and I have to siam, but c'mon it's one or two days per month so it's still alright lah.

Also G treats people sincerely. She isn't the kind who slips on a mask in front of people whom she doesn't like. (Unless I've been talking to her mask all this while ...) It's really a pity she's going to TJC through DSA.

She can't forfeit now, though. It's not good for her as well, she'll be blacklisted as a 'betrayer' amongst schools. G scored rather well during this prelims, and I really think she would do even better during O Levels, so it's a pity that she is 'stuck' at TJC. Not saying it's bad though, but maybe there are other schools that can further stretch her potential.

I should thank T. He used to read some posts of mine; I don't know if you're still reading. T has been beside me for almost a year, I guess. And he has bore all the nonsense I threw him. My lame jokes are horrible, yet he doesn't put me down. (He gives 'encouraging' laughter which is obviously fake.)

I used to be so mad at him previously but luckily that settled quickly. T didn't score really well during this prelims, it's really a pity. Especially when he could have got 10+ more marks if not for the careless mistakes ... That's two grades or more. Which also means a decrease of two points or less.

Nevertheless I am confident T is able to do well for O Levels. So long as he stops 拍拖-ing with WQ concentrates more on his work. 船到橋頭自然直。

LJ said something about his close friends having a girlfriend one-by-one. (I think I said this before.) Yeah and T advised me to 'be nice'. I've been thinking about that two words. Lots of stuff to unpack, I guess. You may say I'm just stupid cos I should be focusing on studies first especially now ... True that.

That's why recently I'm rather 糾結. I finally understand what the two words mean. It's not just temporary troubles. It's a multi-layered trouble that gets you thinking. Yet as you think you get more and more tied up with the options and consequences.

When I am 糾結 I make the wrong decisions, sometimes. Like how I deleted JL's number. Now I regret it. I was very tormented by her running around my mind. (I wonder if she got tired from all that running.) So I thought if I could 斬草除根, it'll be best for the both of us. But ... 藕斷絲連 lah.

On the last day of school taking the bus home I asked me if I had anymore feelings for her. I said no, and jokingly said I changed target to V (who was beside me). (Okay lah V very cute but anyway ... she has CH waiting, right?) Anyway back to the point. V said something about how 可惜 it has been since it's four years. Well that's what some people told me as well. Oh well Scorpios like me are very sentimental. My niece is another example.

I was stalking browsing through my niece's blog post where it was photo flooded. There were so many pictures of smiling people. Mainly girls though, but that's not the point. The point is, such a scenario would never happen in my class. As mentioned in earlier posts, my class is too separated.

D previously tried to get every guy to pair up with a girl for our seating. The plan met with disapproval from some guys. I was actually a proponent for the plan (not only because I would sit with JL). The guys did not want to be separated so that they could continue to play card games at the last row of the class. I generally am okay with them but for this point I do not agree with them. In my opinion, this is a major fact that led to the class to continue being so spilt. (It feels like a judgement essay question, right?)

It's too late, anyway. There's no point thinking about all this lah cos the class is no more. We shall meet again on 22 October, but by then we would actually be rivals, fighting for marks. I won't be surprised if some people actually 翻臉 before that due to studies-related stuff, not only from my class.

(Random thought: I still think Mitch Hewer from Skins is super hot. I don't believe in the saying that 'girls can call others hot but guys can't unless they're gay'.)

Okay that random thought actually broke my train of thoughts. I think if you opened my brain you would see a mess inside. There's studies, relationships, Stefanie Sun, and etc. (Okay lah I'm not a 'stan' - stalker fan - but I recently read her reports so just thought of her.)

I reactivated Facebook yesterday. I just wanted to casually browse through and see the general sentiment of people. Mr Chua posted something about us graduating. People from my batch were typing emo-nemo stuff as well.

After that I deactivated it again. Anyway, Facebook was subtly changing me over to Timeline. It gave me a one week deadline, or I could click a button to change now. Obviously not gonna change, am I.

Speaking of that, I wonder what's Twitter like nowadays. I heard there's something like a cover photo for Twitter users as well now. Do people still post idiotic and random stuff (like what I did) there? Okay lah, not all. (Maybe only me.) I have quit Twitter for around five months now.

To be honest I feel slightly out of touch. My close friends are communicating with each other on Twitter, and I'm not there. I definitely can't blame anyone from excluding me cos this time I made the choice, for better or worse. I always had a thought: what did those people who I met on Twitter think when I suddenly disappeared? A day or two before I quit Twitter, I talked to L. I was trying to patch things up (or you could say get to know him) since last year's incident. He replied a few tweets and I quit. There's absolutely no relation there but it was a bit too coincidental.

I did think of staying on but it didn't seem logical. Actually, maybe people won't even notice. The earliest someone asked me about my Twitter was two months after. So I need not worry so much about offending people or what they think then.

Maybe I have to reactivate Facebook when I reach JC. It seems like orientation leaders are so high-tech nowadays that they find you through Facebook and friend you first. I don't wanna complicate their and my job then.

This is another long post, eh? I think I'm used to writing >1000 word posts. I pity you readers (anyone even?) who actually bother to read through all these. By the way, I'm not done.

I have created Instagram! (Same username I use everywhere for it.) Please follow me if you wish, but be warned that some of my photos are simply boring. I take stuff mainly at home, I'm not the kind who Instagrams every scenery they meet outside of house.

I tried the 'find friends' function just now and indeed found some people whom I know. I feel like following them but I feel rather excluded to begin with. I feel like I'm an interloper that doesn't even offer interesting pictures. Everyone's in their cliques there and I feel awkward as well. Should I be very 厚臉皮 and just follow around? I don't want a repeat of Twitter.

I'm listening to Symphony 92.4 FM (don't judge me) and this live voice just appeared after hours of non-stop music (with some adverts). And immediately I thought blimey that's sad for her! To be working the weekend night shift on radio where you at most announce stuff once or twice but be there the whole time ... That sucks, eh? (Well she gets paid, but still.)

I think I've been blogging for more than an hour. I ain't tired, but I'm mentally exhausted when typing all these. To re-live the feelings and emotions I felt then all over again, that is difficult. So I shall stop here, I wonder if there's 2000 words this time. Here's the four letters you've been waiting for:

TTFN.

If you're really that curious ... 1685 words.