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30 April 2012:

《蘋果核》

喂!這是誰仍的蘋果核?公園剛掃過的地,禿子頂上趴了個虱子,多難看!小孩,是你仍的吧?你手裡還有半個蘋果沒吃完呢!

你這個戴紅箍的叔叔怎麼冤枉人?欺負小孩呀?我正在吃蘋果沒錯,可我連一個都沒吃完,你憑什麼說是我扔的?

嘿!你這小孩嘴還挺厲害!誰知到你現在吃的是不是第一個蘋果?怪我剛才離得遠沒看清。那麼,可能是你了?小夥子。

不是我。我剛才坐在這張椅子上,還沒來得及把外語書掏出來。我根本就不愛吃蘋果,書包里只有兩個橘子,不信你可以翻。不過這是違法的。隨地扔蘋果皮這是不文明的行為,我一個大學生怎麼會不知道?您作為衛生監督員保持公共場所美麗清潔,自然是十分應當的。但這個不久以前被人丟棄在這裡的蘋果核,不是屬於我的。我可以很負責人的對您說。

好啦好啦,看你的外語書吧。反正這凳子就做了你們三個人,這個蘋果核這麼新鮮,還可以看清楚上面的牙印……其實我也不打算懲罰誰,只是誰仍的請他本人撿起來……

喲!聽您這口氣,好想這蘋果核是我扔的啦?您這不是重男輕女誣陷人嗎?您有什麽證據呀?您化驗了那蘋果核上的牙印,是我啃得嗎?您把我的胃液抽出來檢查過,證明我剛才吃過蘋果?蘋果核在我跟前就一定是我扔的?那它現在離您最近,我還說是您扔的呢!

你們三個都說不是自己扔的,莫非這是外星人幹的,要不就是這個蘋果核自己走出來的?我今天算是碰上新鮮事了。

……

喲!老爺爺,原來是您扔的呀!您彎腰這麼不方便,我幫您撿。

老頭,甭管怎麼說,你知錯就改還不錯!記住下回可別隨地亂扔東西了!

……

可是,叔叔阿姨們,我看到蘋果核上的牙印了。但老爺爺已經沒有一顆牙了!……

《蘋果核》是一篇我相當喜歡的微型小說,由畢淑敏寫的。這篇小說也列入了O水準的華文文學教材里。雖然我很可惜的沒能修讀華文文學,不過我對它的熱衷還是持續燃燒著。

順便提一下。這篇小說當然不是我從記憶里背出來的,都是從互聯網找出。剛才在找的時候,看到一份 word document,是個中國學校統一起來的好作文。其中一個來自「158班 張澤宇」同學的作文令人醒目:「蘋果核的故事」。在作文里,張澤宇化身為非常富有公德心的老公公(當然她保留學生身份),把蘋果核撿起來丟掉。幾乎整片文章都在抄襲《蘋果核》,只有後面加了很多廢話道德,一些想必黨和國家都滿意的道德。

老師的點評當中:「結尾點名中心的同時又引人深思。」那當然啦,來自著名作家畢淑敏想出的橋段,當然有一定墨水,能引人深思呀。《蘋果核》的其中一個主題就圍繞著「文明」。中國高度提倡文明,到處都能看到政府的宣傳。難道抄襲文學著作的大部份橋段就表現出文明行為嗎?太搞笑了。

文明:關於這一點,雖然新加坡可能有些缺失之處,不過總好過中國。就看看最近盲人律師陳光誠吧。他最近潛逃出「地獄」(的確有人說那地方比監獄糟糕),老婆、孩子、親友通通被抓。他沒有犯法。他只是因為沒有和中央有著「統一的思想」,挑戰了中國的某些法律,所以變成異見人士,終日被關了起來。我衷心的祝福他日後不再受折磨。


29 April 2012:

Tomorrow is History and Chem.

I spent Friday moderately successfully revising War in Europe. Then Saturday came, and I totally wasted it. Saturday was spent on 9GAG, sleeping, and lots of other stuff.

Today's Sunday. Morning was sort of wasted, I just read newspapers and BBC. I tried doing some History but couldn't. Maths tuition was alright, but as usual I was rather tired. Thankfully my teacher was very understanding (although she grumbled about my sian-ness). She just gave me challenging questions, didn't force me to do, but I did them.

After tuition, I wanted to do History. I spent almost an hour snacking (thankfull I will not be fat). Then I watched 15 minutes of red carpet for Star Awards. And I went to my room. I read Hitler's Germany for a while.

I felt so tired after that, I slept till dinner. After dinner I did History while watching Star Awards. Thanks so much to KL for constantly asking how I was and encouraging me. (I kept saying I was freaking out, I really am.)

I haven't done Chem at all. Okay, maybe a bit, on Saturday night. My Chem is my best science, but that doesn't mean I would score well. Really. Chem is sometimes anal with specific answer formats, and I know Ms A is strictly enforcing that. So I'm really afraid that I would score low for Chem.

This prelims, besides Social Studies, I hope for at least B3 for all subjects. I can't even say I hoping for A1 for Higher Chinese now; it was simply disappointing. I just hope it's not a C.


28 April 2012:

Come to think of it ...


I'd read somewhere that if you want to make people pay attention to what you're saying, you don't raise your voice but lower it: this is what really commands attention.

Taken from The Sense of an Ending. Maybe I should try this more often.


27 April 2012:

He is Mitch Hewer.






And he's my celeb crush.

~


Watch this video.

How did you feel after that 2 minutes and 40 seconds? Touched? Disgusted?

Some people claim that it is fake. I can't tell for sure, but why would anyone act gay in front of so many people and let themselves be put on Youtube? I'm not saying that being gay is anything shameful, but in Singapore there is still a stigma attached to LGBTs. I suppose most people wouldn't be willing to act gay, since they may be criticised, flamed, or simply looked down upon by others.

Oh, I saw this comment. "Singapore is not for gay." I wonder what he meant by that. Should the couple not return to Singapore because they would face so much prejudice from people? Or does he mean that Singapore does not welcome gays?

I hope it's not the latter. Singaporeans would be even more close-minded if that's the general mentality. I'm not saying that we should rush to embrace all kinds of unconventional things, but we should at least not discriminate simply because it's unconventional. We should only discriminate if it really goes against ethics, such as necrophilia. (That is really, really disgusting.)

I wish the couple happiness. Just like Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi. (I wonder ... is it 'Ellen and her wife' or 'Portia and her wife'?)


Lastly ...


24 April 2012:

Never before has a book made me think so deeply.


I know I have recommended this book before in previous posts, but this book really, really calls for deep thought. The front part (Chapter One) may seem to be like a boring, mundane recount of an old man's teenage years, but it's actually for subsequent revelations in Chapter Two. (There's only two chapters.)

This book deals with history and memories. About how sometimes history is distorted (unintentionally) due to various reasons, and how all these distortions twist into a tragic set of events.

I read a book review about this book last time, and the reviewer remarked that every word has a meaning in this novel. Maybe it's not exactly so, but almost every phrase or sentence does indeed carry a meaning, mostly hidden ones.

The book is called The Sense of an Ending. What is the 'ending'? Does it simply refer to the end of the story? Or the end of the state of affairs in the book? Was the state of affairs even ended by the end of the story?

That is only the tip of the iceberg for stuff to consider about. I personally think this is a better text for Literature than Clay Marble (no offence to Minfong Ho). But of course, with sexual references inside, it's obviously impossible to be studied in secondary schools.

Back to how the book deals with history. History, contrary to most people's thinking, is not something that is dead and cast in stone. History can be changed. Sometimes it is changed for the better - to reveal previously hidden perspectives of the issue; sometimes it is changed for the worse - to mask blemishes in particular people's profiles. (Hint, China Communist Party and how they changed their history curriculum.)

Nevertheless, history is rather alive. But is history reliable? So what if textbooks say so? They received their information from other sources. Even primary sources may not be reliable. What if all primary sources were lying? The information that is inaccurate would simply be taken to be true.

History is the certainty produced at the point where imperfections of memory meet the inadequacies of documentation.

What you end up remembering isn't always the same as what you have witnessed.

History is the lies of the victors, and the self-delusions of the defeated.

But finally,

History ... it's more the memories of the survivors, most of whom are neither victorious nor defeated. 


22 April 2012:

老爸剛才問了我一個問題,令我坐立不安。

他問我,如果A水準畢業后我考不進醫學系,那我會怎麼做?

說真的,我不曾好好想過這個問題。

從我九歲時,我的夢想是當一名法醫,如此「宣稱」嚇壞了不少人。尤其是我的父母。他們認為我可能是暫時受到某部成功電視劇的影響,日後會「轉移目標」。畢竟,我小時候曾說過要做警察,律師……

回到正題。新加坡國立大學的醫學系競爭十分激烈,這點我不否認。因此,我知道自己進醫學系的機會相當的渺茫。而且,照我目前的生物成績來看,是不可能的。萊佛士學院、華僑中學的人能輕易的打敗我。

如果我不能進醫學系,我又能去哪裡呢?想了想,我可能會去藝術與社會科學系。然後,我可能會修社會科學,拿個社會科學學士。又或者,我會去修中文,拿個藝術學士(中文)。

父母都是搞金融方面的,然而我對於金融方面不感興趣。如果要我從事那樣的工作,我會非常不願意。電腦系呢?我雖然懂得如何編程序,但是我可不能想想自己一生就干電腦的東西。我覺得那樣太悶啦。

想來想去,咳。


To JQ:

其實只有後面那段才是給你的啦。哈哈前面那正段是我在發洩。所以,理所當然的你不會知道T是誰。哈哈你還是那樣,回答得沒頭沒尾,讓我有點搞糊塗啦。

至於你說你不配,我覺得你真的夠好啦。(除非你的羊皮還沒剝下來?應該不是吧。)我真的還沒見到比你更全方面好的人。就連她也不是。其實,她的性格真的沒比你好。不過,我還是喜歡她哈哈哈。

你知道嗎?你教了我好多東西。其中一個就是不為小事生氣。我知道自己之前會爲了小事搞到自己不愉快。現在我嘗試改變啦,沒那麼計較東西啦。這還得謝謝你讓我看到自己的缺點之一。

我想,王老師應該會很開心吧。你學以致用,前天來了個「路遙知馬力,日久見人心」,現在又有「不經一番寒徹骨,哪得梅花撲鼻香」。(不過你的「彻」寫錯啦。那個是「雕欄玉砌應猶在,只是朱顏改」的「砌」。)哈哈

對啦,你是希望你的黑馬能寫博客,讓你整天窺視他吧。。。


21 April 2012:

Старый друг - лычше новых двух.

The above Russian proverb says that an old friend is better than two new friends. ... Really?

I beg to differ. There are some new friends that are much better than old friends. Some old friends simply disregard you after a while.

You know the feeling of getting pangseh-ed? That sucks. Especially when you're pangseh-ed by one of your closest friends. Yesterday T and I agreed (with six others) to go eat together. I was rather happy. T and I were drifting apart, and finally we get to eat together like last time. Like last time, when after History (since History would always be the period before recess) we would head down with the six of them.

Apparently things have changed. The six of them went to sit elsewhere; I don't really blame them since they are a clique and they found a spot that could only accommodate them.

T, you told me you would look for a place for us to sit together. Where were you after that? You saw M and company. You decided that they were better to be with, and pangseh-ed me without at least telling me. What's this?

What did you say when I asked you? "Go with them, lah. It doesn't matter if I'm there or not." ... I interpret it as you wanting out. You probably just got tired of me and very conveniently pushed me to the six. Previously we went as a pair with them. Now, you brush it off and say it doesn't matter?

Eventually I sat down because H very graciously shifted away. I was really furious. Previously when I was eating with you (or even with the six), we would talk and laugh. Yesterday, I ate in silence. I had nothing to say, and didn't want to say anything anyway.

Your phone was "lost", and you made me call it so that you could look for it. Let's get this straight: you won't bother to consider about me, yet you expect me to immediately to what you request me to do? But called, I did. Then there was no thanks or anything, just taking it for granted perhaps, that it was my duty to accede to your orders.

Why do I say "orders"? I feel like you're not longer asking me to do something, it's more like you're ordering  me, instructing me to do it. I know that as you get closer to a person, you would be less good-mannered towards him/her. But it's different, I feel. S and I are good friends. Sometimes she "orders" me to do things, or I "order" her to, but we both understand that it's because of the closeness. For you, T, I don't feel this way. It's not like I'm asking you to utter 'please' each time you need my help. That's superfluous too. But your attitude ... It just feels different.

~

You're no longer sitting next to me. You've moved to beside GY. Now A is beside me. To me, this is indicative that we are severely fractured already.

Why did you change seats? It's cos I was unbearable, telling lame jokes the whole day. It's cos I talked lots of crap. It's cos you're tired of me. Well, I tried to change. I really tried to stop irritating you with all those jokes, since I could feel that you were not pleased anymore.

I tried to stay silent, and not burst out saying random or weird things. But that was either too little or too late for you, T. So you got A over. I don't talk as much as I do with A now, nor do I tell all those jokes. Partially, it's because I don't want to irritate a second person. But the main reason is probably because I'm not as close to A as I am to you. I won't even feel comfortable telling A all those stuff.

Why would I tell you all those stuff? I felt comfortable around you, and I regarded you as being close to me. Sometimes when your mum was being unreasonable you would lament to me and I would comfort you. Or you would do likewise when I was faced with troubles.

We have sat together for so many months, and helped each other along the way. Are you going to forfeit all that just cos of this flaw of mine that I talk so much crap? Why do I talk so much crap anyway? Do you really want me to talk serious stuff like politics and world affairs? We're so close, that's why I won't be so serious and all that.

It seems like you decided that it was too much for you to take. But in a friendship, isn't it about looking past each other imperfections? Sometimes I am also upset by you, but I would just shrug it off. Everyone has their shortcomings and bad points in their character isn't it? Why is it that I can wave it off but you can't for mine?

~

I am crying now. It's not a single tear, it's streams of it, with mucus and everything. The utterly disgusting kind that normally girls would do. I once said that even when I watch movies or anything, I don't cry. I really don't, even when the scene is so heart-wrenching.

But now, I just did. The last time I cried was because of bad relations in the family. This is the first time I'm crying because of someone not related to me by blood. T, you have the honour of being the first person to bring me to tears.

And I'm not just saying all of this just to act pitiful and score sympathy points. I'm not even trying to gain the sympathy of anyone, alright? There're probably people out there going "oh a guy crying, so pussy". I know, the society's judgemental as it is.

~

You're an old friend, T. And it would really mean old, since I've known you since P3 or P4. We're in the same primary school, now in the same secondary school, and even in the same class. Yet all this has to happen.

To tell you the truth, January and February were the happiest months since 2011. That was when the Four Grains of Rice were together. It's not really a clique, but it's the four of us that sit near each other in class. At that time, T, you were still beside me. The four of us were really noisy, especially during some periods of Physics. Either G or JL would say something funny, T and I would laugh loudly, and Mr L would stop his teaching. Those were the "good old days".

Now you're gone, T. Well, not exactly, but it's no longer within the square. It feels different. I don't talk to A as much. And because A came over, things have became really awkward between the Four Grains of Rice. G and JL no longer turn back to talk anymore, since they're not as close to A as well. It's weird to keep calling G or JL also, since A would feel left out at times. The whole structure has cracked.

~

Y'know in History we analyse the causes of things? No matter how I analyse, I still don't think it's worth it. Why must such a structure be broken up? Why must T and I turn into almost strangers? Why does A have to be displaced as well?

To tell the truth, why A came over and not GY was because GY couldn't tolerate A any longer. GY is tired of dealing with A's lame jokes. Sounds familiar? Precisely. GY and T felt that A and I were suitable for each other, so they pressured A to come over. Actually it is less of GY's fault, since he is like a passive player, simply following how things progress.

T was more of the mastermind, I suppose. T, have you ever thought of how I felt? T, have you ever thought of how A felt? A seems happy and not bothered, but I can tell that he's not too willing as well, since he resisted it once. Yet T wants things his way, GY simply goes with the flow, and A gets displaced by GY as T displaces me.

~

All that shall come to rest. I shall move on, and not be bothered about such changes anymore. If it's not meant to be, it will not. I shall not be so anal anymore, still trying to reconcile anyone.

So much for old friends, though. Maybe it's time to look for new ones ...? Like JQ.

It's true when I say that JQ is the epitome of perfectness. Okay I know that "no one as perfect", but to me she's really stellar.

To JQ:

Sorry for what I said then, alright? I wasn't in the best state of mind then.

I did find it weird why you were always so 'not there' in class. You said that I was so dao, that's why I tried to be more wavey and all that. But then become you like forever not noticing me ... I don't know what canteen thing you're talking about, though.

I still keep the messages, y'know. Since 9 Feb 2012 (I checked, lah). It's weird now that your name is not at the top of my messages list.

I just went through some of the messages ... So much memories eh. Remember #okcan? Remember the number battle? Remember сладких снов, which you called 'snap chop'?

99% of the time I would be the one who messaged you, and you being ever so polite (really without sarcasm) would reply promptly, if not adding a 'sorry late reply'. Then I stopped somewhere end of March. I just felt that I was being a bother, messaging you so many times, and sometimes for no important reason.

I still remember when I had Twitter (and you were not on a hiatus). When you were down I would ask you what's wrong, and all that. Now I'm Twitter-less, so I don't hear from you. I won't know whether you're happy or upset. Even if we met, I won't even know what to say to you.

It suddenly feels so ... empty. Remember Fudan times? Remember the first thing you said to me? (Actually I don't hahah I don't think you would right, siao.) Anyway, it was really some sort of fate that we sat together on the bus rides, and we shared so much. (Like your black horse.)

~

Why would I not trust you? You didn't do anything to let me "not trust" you.

Yeah, you've been flu-ing. Since 2 weeks ago, right? Better get well soon, it's the exams in 4 days time. I'm almost recovered now, thankfully. It's really so nice that you bother to care about me at this period of time. Are you having some friend troubles as well? Don't be so blamey on yourself ... Knowing your character, I really don't think it's your fault. I used to hearken to some of your problems ... I don't know if you would still willingly entrust me with helping you out.

對我來說,現在只是一個小插曲。沒事的,很快便能恢復以前那樣。你說,對吧。

~

送大家孟子的一句話:不挾長,不挾貴,不挾兄弟而友。友也者,友其德也,不可以有挾也。


Oh and to JQ: Thanks for your fourth ':D'. I still count them, but they're so rare now.


19 April 2012:

Some random musings.

1. Two days after resoluting that my face shall be clean, my sebaceous gland (actually many of them) decides to get infected and now besides on my lip (weird yeah), I have more on my [place-you-call-skin-above-lip]. Haiz. I dread the pus oozing out stage, cos that's when it's the most unglam.

2. Today there was a small photo-taking for Section 3. I hope I looked okay, even with all that pimples and all that! She sat beside me for one photo. Then for the other she went to change settings and ended up near the back. Oh well. At least there's one~ But KL's extreme nudges were making it awkward, lorh.

3. We're learning Cold War now. Somehow I see some things applying exactly like how it was then, in class or school. One reason why I like History a lot is precisely cos of this: the patterns that repeat, people's attitudes and perceptions. Recently, the scene has changed in the class. It's really so ... chaotic. It's really like a Cold War. There's lots of confrontations and provocations, but thankfully no direct conflict. I wish for that not to happen. Détente please, détente alright?

4. The class seems to be like a sociological field. I see groups, classes, and ranks. All the sociological criterias are present. Who knows, maybe next time one of us might be a sociologist and publish some study about it.

5. I finally understood chapters 18 and 19 of Physics. Many thanks to my Physics tuition teacher. I kept asking her "duh" questions, luckily she was very patient.

6. I hope this does not happen to any of my relations in real life (of a personal scale, lah). If you know what I mean~


To JQ: I have lots of things to say, but maybe another time. Tomorrow's post, perhaps? Сладких снов for now. (If you're not JQ, don't be a kaypoh and Google Translate, horh.)


17 April 2012:

(Untitled.)

I shall set a resolution to keep my face clean, so that I will stop getting pimples all over it.

Also, I hope that my sore throat would disappear soon; Strepsils is assisting me with that.


16 April 2012:

我好像是感冒了吧。

今天一起來,我就覺得喉嚨有些許的痛。本來我沒當做一回事,因為有些時候早上起來就是這樣。

之後再出門之前我是想拿些使立消帶到學校,每個兩隔小時吃。但是家裡的包裝還沒開過,我覺得如果開來吃可能浪費,所以決定「熬」。

果真,我是生病了。我患有鼻竇炎,每天起來都要擤鼻子好幾次。這我習慣啦。但是今天到了學校,鼻涕還是不停的流出來,煞是麻煩。

害的我用光兩位朋友的紙巾,是在不好意思。(謝謝R友和XY友。)最糟的就是在回家途中。一滴鼻涕就這麼流出來,調到我的校服上。因為發生的太快,我完全沒法即使反應。當時我在巴士上,不知道有無人家看到。

現在我的喉嚨還是蠻痛的。剛才吃了一顆使立消,但是不到十分鐘又吃晚餐。我想,所有的藥物成份都給吃進肚子里去啦,沒有留在喉嚨那邊。真是的。我的鼻涕還在留,有夠噁心的。希望它快點停止啊~




我是病了。但是有些人比我更可憐,不是身體方面有病,而是精神方面「有病」。或者說,是「病態」吧。

爲什麽會這樣呢?還不都因為他們每天接觸精神細菌,造成他們的系統已經反射性的拒絕外來的正常的東西。

最糟的是,他們還被「病魔」扭曲事實。

早上的時候生物課教到大自然的自然選擇(或者說適者生存)。不知道這個精神「病」要經過幾代才能被消滅呢?


15 April 2012:

So many closures ...

Yesterday (and Friday) was filled with closures.

On Friday, I have "stepped down" from Student Council, along with other Sec 4s. (We'll still be doing morning duty, though.) I shall do a post about my journey in Council some time soon.

Yesterday, I finished watching Skins season 2. Maybe to you it's insignificant, but to me it matters. Skins really is a nice serial to watch. The plot is genuine and offers viewpoints on British teenage life. Season 2 marks the end of the first generation cast; it'll be changed at season 3. It's rather sad. I've watched these people (Tony, Michelle, Maxxie, Chris, Sid, Cassie, Anwar, and Jal) for 20 hours over the past 2 weeks. And now, they're just ... gone.

Season 2 of Skins ended ... rather beautifully. If you were one who followed Skins from season 1 and observed the characters, I'm sure you would be pleased by the ending. It's the MYE soon. I shall not start on Skins season 3 until it ends, at least. But at least, I've downloaded all six season thus far so that I can watch it next time.

Also yesterday, I have stepped down from Wushu. I shall do a post about it too. It's four years of memories. Well, almost four years.


14 April 2012:

給三位的一些話。

1. To T:

I guess we are not as close anymore.

To be honest, I expected it. Sooner or later, you would get irritated by someone like me. So I can't blame you. But I do feel sad, seeing that you have drifted away. We sit so close, yet this gap seems to be getting bigger.

You've joined a clique that I'm not in. You prefer to go with them now, I understand. But I thought you would be able to be honest, at least. It's not that I'm saying that you're a liar.

I would ask you to go for lunch, and you would reject me by saying that you would be doing other things. That's really alright with me. But then, why do I find you at the canteen with them? Why can't you just tell me that you would be going with them?

Even if I am unhappy, it's still better than my finding out later, right? Why must you do it this way?

Perhaps you are very irritated by me. Perhaps my frequent mood swings and outbreaks are now unbearable to you. If you really want out, I'm fine. But it'll be sad, though.

2. To RZ:

Just because you are more famous and good-looking than me, it doesn't mean that you can insult me.

Did you remember the time when you shouted the insult along the corridor while I was patrolling? Do you know how bad I felt?

What's with you being such an arsehole to people that are less "man"? Yes, at times I may be effeminate, but is that a reason for you to pick on me?

What did I do to you? I tried to be friendly, for goodness sake. You once said that I wouldn't return a smile. I did after I knew, I tried to be friendlier and all that.

But how did you respond? Your attitude just got worse towards me. I'm still going to see you in school, and I won't bother with smiling or being friendly anymore. You may continue to say that I am stuck-up, unfriendly, unsocial ... I don't give a damn.

3. To JQ:

Thanks for showing that I am really not appreciated by many people. One reason why I deleted the account was precisely because I had a feeling that many people are pissed off with all my nonsense.

To the extreme, no one would know even if I died or something.

By the way, if you really cared you could have asked.

Then again, I'm probably not that "worth it", eh? So you didn't really care.

~

Sometimes, I feel like I am Sid Jenkins from Skins. I care for my friends genuinely, yet I'm always being displaced or neglected. I don't expect the whole world's attention, just some friends that will be there for each other.

Will that be possible?


13 April 2012:

Chung Cheng Wushu was simply fantastic today.

To put it simply, out of the 8 events that we took part in, we won 8 golds.

Out of the four years I have been in Wushu, this seems to be the best year. Even though I am not part of the six people who competed, I still share the happiness and joy they must have felt.

... I'm still at such a loss of words.

Our coaches must be very happy now, with us winning all the awards.

Furthermore, we won by a rather large margin. The second place was normally 0.1 point away, with the exception of one where we tied. Luckily our "small point" was higher and we won.

This is the last year for me in Wushu, and it is certainly the most memorable one.

It was very, very heartening to see the whole Wushu team cheering for one another. Even VJC helped by cheering. I must say that we are quite close to VJC, and our alliance is certainly very beneficial. Besides, this was what our coaches wanted us to do: help each other out during the competition.

Until now, the scene where the results were announced is still resonating in my mind. 8.4_. 8.5_. We were consistently (throughout divisions) getting such a good score.

Tomorrow,  there is the final Wushu training. For the Sec 1 to 3s, it is but the last training before the exams start. For Sec 4s like me, it's the last training in Chung Cheng. I wonder what tomorrow will be like. Will anyone cry?

The dilemma within me is still growing stronger. Drama or Wushu? Today's events seem to pull me closer to Wushu again, but the passion for Drama is also burning strongly.

I shall leave that decision to another time.

It was good that we managed to throw Mr P this year, as with the tradition every year that we throw the principal. Sadly, Mr K wasn't there this year, so no throwing of him.


11 April 2012:

As of today it's two weeks to MYE.

And ... I'm not prepared.

I don't want to think of how badly I'll do for this paper, especially after unsatisfactory common test results.

I'm aiming for a 6-pointer, but I should probably wake up and realise that it's almost impossible to achieve that considering my standard now.

Of course, lots of seniors always say that "it's alright", things will be better as the O Level draws closer. Really? I don't know, I'm rather afraid.

This year I have tried to buck up. I'm not sure it's working.

My problem is that I often can't express the answers properly. That sucks. It sucks because if the examiners were to ask me the questions in conversation, I could probably manage 80% of it. But the moment it comes to writing, I'm completely invalid.

Sometimes, I explain too little. The teacher would say it's incomplete, or place carets. Other times, I explain too much. I write so much crap, and waste my time.

How like that?


9 April 2012:

This seems to be rough patch no. 1 of 2012.

I wonder when it will end, I'm hoping it's soon.


8 April 2012:

Yesterday was very worth it.


昨天,我去看了中正藝術節的最後一場表演:英華戲劇。表演時間一個半鐘頭左右,不長不短,不過卻有著四部非常精彩的劇。

最先登場的是《空湖》。講說校友們一個個都不會來啦。當時,有不少的觀看的是校友。這,是在給予什麽暗示嗎?也許吧。不過,每年看回來的校友紛至遝來。這個問題應該不用擔心吧。

接著,是英文戲劇。They put up two versions of The Day I Met the Prince by late Kuo Pao Kun. The first version, only 8 minutes long, was certainly very abstract. A lot of people were unsure of what was going on, since there was no dialogue at all, and the characters were simply giggling, talking, or making some actions. That left lots of question marks.

又是中文戲劇。這回,他們講的是關於兒子動手傷害母親的事,演出《刀》。男主角非常棒,表演得很入味。(嘿嘿,也許是因為我認識他吧。)當然,其他的演員也是,特別是母親。她被丈夫拋棄時,那種悲慘,淋漓盡致的表現出來,讓人好不痛快。

最後,又回到英文戲劇。This time, English Drama sought to clear the doubts of the previous play they had put up, with a 30 minute version that contained dialogue. (Phew.) The monologue by J was certainly impressive, since he had to memorise such a large amount of text. Besides, he still had other scenes. Which, overall, was very, very wonderful. The fox played by G was also superb.



我喜愛戲劇表演。看了昨天的演出,讓我更想要去參加戲劇方面的CCA. Or maybe even Theatre Practice?


7 April 2012:


"Oh baby, baby, it's a wild world. It's hard to get by just upon a smile."


4 April 2012:

Is this the end ...?


I've completed my only event for this year's competition.

8.06 points. I'm 7th position, if I'm not wrong. Is this score good? I'm not sure.

This year, I was not nervous at all. Yet my hands were still trembling a little. I don't know why. Previously, my heart would be beating furiously while waiting for my turn. This year there was nothing like that. I waited for my turn, went up, did the routine, and finished it.

I seem to be slightly stiffer than usual, which was a little saddening, since I'm supposed to be fully prepared. I don't really know why I was still stiff.

JY made a blatant mistake during his routine, but he got 8.23 points. Congrats to him. I'm sure he would do well for the remaining Taiji Jian event as well.

Many thanks to LN and R for helping me. I know I can get very annoying at times, you two were very, very nice to tolerate me. When LN talked to me before I left, I felt sad. It's both our last year competing, at least for B Division. For LN, she has one more event. Good luck to her, I hope she wins something.

Back to my question: is this the end? Am I going to end my Wushu "career" after 9+ years? Should I take up a different CCA after secondary school?

Currently, I'm now in a dilemma. Lots of factors would rope in here; it's not easily to untangle them.

If I were to continue Wushu, then I would really have to work hard for Victoria JC. They have the same coach as us now, so the transition would be quite "smooth". I don't think I would take up Wushu if I have to go to any other JC.

Then again, QB would not be in VJC. So even if I go to VJC, it'll be the two coaches. It's not that they're no good, but it's for a fact that they place less importance on Taiji events. It's impossible for me to switch events within two years; I can only continue Taiji if I want to continue Wushu.

A second option would be to go to English Drama in JC. I have been having strong urges for Drama ever since late last year. Actually, I have always been thinking of Drama since when I first joined SHHK. Later, I was made to quit, and until now I think my friends from SHHK still think I was the one who pulled out. No, it was never my choice to.

I have always been fascinated by Drama. SHHK focuses on Chinese Drama, but I wouldn't want to join Chinese Drama in JC. There would be too many PRCs and for some reason, I simply can't stand them - most of them.

Being in Drama would expect me to be very brave and express myself boldly. That's where I'm still not very good at. So, this pulls me back from fully going for Drama.

Now, it's really a dilemma. Should I, or should I not? To be or not to be? Would someone enlighten me?

~

By the way, some people really should know their boundaries. It's one thing to joke around and fool around. It's another when you continue even though the person subjected to all that is visibly mad. Just because you think it's funny or interesting doesn't mean the person may enjoy it too. Once or twice, everyone laughs and enjoys. Do it too many times, the person would get utterly angry.


2 April 2012:

(Untitled.)

1. People have got to stop stereotyping others.

Just because this guy is more effeminate, that girl is more tomboyish, they are known as "sissy" and "tomboy". Maybe the people who started it don't feel much, but to the victims themselves, it may hurt badly.

Especially for guys. Just because they seem more feminine, that doesn't mean they are gay. The word "gay" is probably the most over-used one.

The movie is so gay!

He is so gay!
And etc. It would seem from context that the word "gay" now conveys a negative message. Why is this so? Why must a term used to describe happiness or homosexuals be negative?

(It's about time to stop homophobia, too. No one's asking you to be like them, you just have to live peacefully alongside them.)

I admire homosexuals (men and women) who dare to face outside criticism and insults.

2. People have got to stop "pairing up" people.

If two people are together, they will be together. Name-calling, teasing, pressuring: it all won't help.

Of course, it's probably natural to tease occasionally. But I suppose there are boundaries ...? Some people just don't get it. Urgh.


1 April 2012:

Things in my life recently.

There was a book sale in school recently. I really, really love books. Especially ones on crime fiction, or popular classics. My bookshelf at home is full, and I haven't finished reading all the books there, but I recently bought three of them again.


(From left: 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami; What the Dog Saw and Other Adventures by Malcolm Gladwell; The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes.)

Guess how much I bought them for. According to rough estimates done by me (through searching Amazon.com for prices): USD 46.46 for 1Q84, USD 27.99 for What the Dog Saw, USD 9.14 for The Sense. That's a total of USD 83.59. Converting it to Singapore dollars, that's around $105.06. I know, the price wouldn't be too accurate, since there's lots of other charges here and there.

My point is, it's still rather expensive, isn't it? I wouldn't be allowed to spend so much on three books. This is especially when my family believes that such books can simply be borrowed and returned, and that fiction is never as useful to me.

Thankfully, I got these books at $28. That's a whooping 73% "discount"! I was certainly elated to see that these books were being sold so cheap! And of course, some cynical ones must be out there thinking "it's too good to be true". Certainly not. The guy explained that he got his books directly from some source, so he doesn't need to add in additional costs here and there, which jacks up book prices.

I'm looking forward to reading all three books. It won't be easy since I'm having O Levels this year and time is really a constraint. But I'll try to squeeze in some time. If not, I'll at least keep it on my bookshelf. I believe that even if I may not be able to read it now, I'll read it someday, no matter how long that may be.

The guy at the book sale gave me his number, and told me I could call him if I wanted any books. He promised I would get it at 50% off compared to bookstore price. I hope there are new books coming out soon that I find attractive. :)


I'm currently hooked on this game called Triple Town. It's a puzzle game that requires lots of thinking and planning in advance.

The rules are really simple. All you have to do is match three of a kind, and they become a "higher-level" element. The starting element would be grass, and three of those form bushes. The order goes:

Grass > bush > tree > house > mansion > castle > floating mansion.

Then there's also a pivotal character (actually the only one) in the game, and that's the bear. His aim is to stop you from building the above mentioned structures, and he hopes around the squares so that you can't lay down elements. Fortunately, you can kill him off and he becomes a tombstone. Similarly,

Tombstone > church > cathedral > small treasure chest > large treasure chest.

The game is really, really addictive, and I really hate it when it tells me I have no moves left. I'm given 150 moves to use, unless I buy the unlimited version for $2.99. What I really like about the developer is that they do not anally make the game unplayable if I don't buy. I can still play, but I have to wait.


Skins is really a show I never regretted watching. I'm almost complete with the first season now, and there are 6 seasons in total. I heard that the network is axing the show after a final season in 2013, which is of course very saddening.

There's a lot of expletives, sex scenes, and "mature content", but I think the show really addresses problems and troubles of teenagers. I can easily identify certain parts of the show; it seems like such problems are not only UK-ish. It applies even in Singapore.

Throughout the show, you also see how various characters interact and their complicated relationship gets ... more complicated. I sympathise with Sid for constantly being used (and perhaps feel like him sometimes), get rather cross at Tony for making use of so many people, and applaud Maxxie for being openly gay (even though Anwar gets icky at that).

The show has tremendous popularity in UK when it was first shown, and it even prompted an American version. Too bad, the American version didn't work. (Suck on that. Some UK stuff is still better.)

This show is very successful, I feel. It lets you think about issues that probably anyone would face, instead of other shows which you would watch and forget. Of course, some parts depicted in the show make me suspicious, like how teachers would openly curse in front of their students. Or perhaps, teachers in UK really do so?

(This afternoon I watched an American movie. I think because of watching too much of Skins, I can no longer understand American accent. Not a pity though.)




(This guy is completely unrelated to me.)

I just placed him here to talk about the upcoming competition.

It's my last year in CCHMS, and it would be my last year competing. Frankly speaking, it's not a given that I can compete. In B Boys, I know it for myself that I am one of the lousiest. Hence, I would understand if coach does not register me for competition, since she too wants people with better skill.

Thanks to her for eventually choosing me. This time, I only participate in one event: 42 Taiji Quan. Last year, I also did 42 Taiji Jian. Because of some arrangements, I am doing one. I can't say I'm sad or anything, since I do know that the arrangements were made cos someone else had better skills than me. I don't deny that too, and am grateful that I have at least one event to participate in.

The competition's this Wednesday. This year, Taiji Quan is surprisingly early; previously Taiji events would be around the middle of the season. This year it's on the second day. It made me slightly nervous, since I would have less preparation. But then again, I feel that I am more or less ready.

That's not to say I'm guaranteed of any medal, though. I have seen the competitors list; there are a few strong exponents. While I would certainly want to beat them all, I do know it's not possible.

On the last training before competition yesterday, our coach told us to go and enjoy the process. She says that every year, but I still think it's useful. After all, there's no point thinking too much about it. So long as I don't slacken and perform the routine as how I'm supposed to, I would have no regrets.

Okay, maybe just a little. The day of my competition is Sports Day, and it would be the last Sports Day in CCHMS. Sadly, I won't be able to attend it, since I would be in school for the competition. Oh well.




As mentioned previously, I've quit Twitter. It's been almost a week now. The cold turkey's fading, and that's a good sign. It seems that I've also become happier.

I don't know if this is simply confirmation bias, or if there's really truth to it. Nevertheless, I feel less moody since quitting Twitter. Hopefully, this would stay on.

TTFN.

All images were taken from Google Image Search results.



aboutme.

From Singapore. 20 years of age. Blogs as and when inspiration comes, in British English (and Singlish), Traditional Chinese and (hopefully) Russian. Not a lifestyle blogger, expect posts to be serious, dull or even obscure. I enjoy comedy, in particular British humour.



interests.

[more or less in order] medicine | forensics | theatre | modern world history | typography (including style and grammar) | visual design | Taiji | Chinese language and literature | Mandarin pop (and singing) | Apple products.



typography.

PT Serif for main text and links. Ubuntu Condensed for dates, post titles and sidebar headings. Both fonts from Google Web Fonts.



credits.

singzeon. by Sing Zeon is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International Licence. Pictures used here either come from my Instagram (instagram.com/singzeon) or Google image search. For the latter, I do not own those pictures.



quote.

Hard to love. 認真你就輸了。