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30 August 2011:

最近,我的內心非常煩躁。

昨天晚上,我輾轉難眠。腦子里,頻頻閃過很多、很多的念頭。很多很多的瑣事需要處理。雖然今年,我大致上是樂觀、快樂的,不過從年頭至今,我是有過兩段失落期。這應該是我的第三期吧。

昨天晚上,我輾轉難眠。腦子里,頻頻閃過太多、太多的話。我想對很多人說話。只是,我不可能就這麼大咧咧地跟那些人說話。或是說,我不敢。我不敢剖白。

於是,昨天晚上,心情蠻低落的時候,在手機里寫了這一段話:

我在做什麽?我並非想討好她,也不是想增進彼此的友誼。我在做什麽,自己也解釋不清楚。

說道增進友誼,我們的友誼從始至終都不是很強烈。說到底,應該是我自作多情。我以為成天與她溝通就算是成為好朋友了,不過我錯了。到頭來,我只不過是個普通朋友。或許,我們連普通朋友都不是,只是擦肩而過的路人甲。

或許,在她的心目中,我是一個硬來的怪胎。她甚至可能在認為,為何這個男的不停地打擾我?我希望不是這樣,不過自己也不敢否認發出的訊息是否會引起這樣的想法。

這整件事當中,最搞笑的是,我都不知道我這麼做事為何。很清楚的肯定,我沒想要以感情的前提來做這些事。

現在,我的心事雜亂的。非常的亂。我真的需要冷靜一陣,好好理清這些諸多麻煩。

是的,昨晚我在手機里寫的一段話。很惆悵的一段話。我想,我在人際關係上真的是差強人意。做人可以做到這麼失敗,真實可笑。在面簿,我有406個朋友。在推特,我有108的跟蹤者。可是,如果有一天我遇難時,連10個人都不會出來救我吧。

先前在面簿上,流傳這樣的一段 status update:如果有天我遇難了,你會來幫我嗎?如果會的話,請按「贊」。

我從沒把那轉帖。我深知,我可能連一個「贊」都不會受到。自己做人做得那麼落魄,唯有怪罪自己。

怪罪自己的性格為何是這個樣的。昨天,Formspring 問了一道問題:你希望你在哪一方面可以更好?

這是我的回答。是很冗長,希望你不要見怪。請看第五條。也許,我應該把第五條列為第一條。我想,比起學業,我的人際關係更差了。

就這樣。


26 August 2011:

I'm getting lazier and lazier ...

I don't want to go into a hiatus, since I always break it shortly after I start it. But my posting rate will definitely be greatly reduced, because of the simple reason that I am lazy. I know I promised that I would blog more during this period of time since Investiture and SAP Seminar is over, but I am seriously too lazy to even login to Blogger at times. Also, my posts are getting more and more boring.

... Curently listening to Mr. Brown Show. His latest podcast about the Tans of Presidential Elections is simply a masterpiece. I wonder where he gets all the puns from.

I've finished watching Big Bang Theory, all four seasons of it. Currently waiting patiently for the fifth season of BBT to start! The fourth season ended so abruptly, I almost thought there was something wrong with the player. Oh well. I suppose such an ending would mean a shocking opening of S5 ...?

To end of,


17 August 2011:

Я расчлененный сердце овечье!

It seems to me that I have been absent from the blogosphere for almost a week. :/ Currently, school life isn't all that busy, as compared to the period of June-July, where there was Investiture and SAP Seminar to handle. So why am I not posting more frequently?


Yes, I am currently hooked onto this "police procedural drama" (this description according to Wikipedia). It's mainly about forensic psychology, and how it helped solve crimes. I've completed slightly less than half of the series. As of now, I have a rather good impression of it. Of course, there are obvious gaps in the plot. Many a time, forensic psychology procedures and observations would not be required should the forensic pathology report be mentioned. There were numerous occasions where the case was solved later than usual because the forensic pathology report was not used.

The report was only mentioned once or twice thus far, and it helped only as a bridge in the plot. In real life, however, importance is actually placed on forensic pathology than forensic psychology, since pathology is after all a more objective science. I'm not saying that forensic psychology is all bull, but forensic pathology has more "solid" grounds.


Another show that I am addicted to is The Big Bang Theory! I have almost finished watching Season 4 (I think I'm left with one more episode), and Season 5 is coming soon next month. I actually watch it through Funshion, and the episodes get uploaded really fast! I thought Season 4 must have came out 1 year ago, but it turns out that the episodes are available at the same time as the American release, or even faster. Who knows how the PRCs do it; anyways, they are capable of such things. This time, in a good way. :)

///

Besides all that. I learnt sine and cosine graphs today; Mrs P is a really good A Math teacher! Although sometimes she is naggy, it always turns out to be funny. She also has a lot of epic phrases. K, if I were to express today as a graph ...


#nerdboi96 I know, but it actually describes how my day went!

The morning started off badly. I was late for Chinese because of Full-board Meeting (no, that wasn't the reason for a bad morning). When I went in, I found that someone from the other class had taken my seat. I can't really blame her, since she probably had nowhere else to sit (with her friend) and my seat and the seat beside me was empty.

Then I discovered I do not have a newspaper. I searched around like a beggar, but everyone said that all newspapers were given out. Even teacher couldn't locate one for me. (Not his fault, though.) I went around practically the whole class. No one knew anything. I was dejected (?)

In case you don't know, I value newspapers more than anyone else in the class. Especially the Chinese ones. Call me geeky and/or nerdy, but I believe that reading newspapers is a good way to gain knowledge of what's happening around the whole world. The Chinese ones are especially important, since at home I only have The Straits Times, and I desperately need Chinese reading material throughout the week.

I felt it was unfair. Probably almost half the class couldn't care one bit about the newspapers, yet they have a copy of it. I yearn for it so much, and I am left begging around for it. Maybe you think I am just exaggerating this whole issue, but to me it really mattered.

After a while, I gave up. I stopped searching for it. Suddenly, after the period ended, a copy of the newspaper was given to me. Apparently, it was an extra copy (supposedly for me) that was misplaced somewhere. I was too angry and tired to even bother finding out what happened.

At least my day was slightly better around 10 o'clock. I went for filming to help SY for her Chinese Media Studies coursework. (I missed two lessons!) The whole process was rather smooth, and it was a rather new experience for me! I've only done a radio production, so this was another unique avenue. Although I wasn't very good, but luckily SY was very patient with me, and 5 scenes were completed in an hour or so. Seems rather okay, yeah? :) I hope the final product comes out great! (Hopefully I don't affect her grade ...)

Oh! I really hope I could do the voice-over for SY's project as well. I've always liked voice-overs, since it's actually more challenging than doing a "TV" recording. You can only make use of your voice (not even sound effects) to bring across a message, or sometimes even multiple messages. If you are doing a video recording, you can make use of transitions, facial expressions, and actions to bring about the same point(s). Let's see if she gets the green light for it.

After the filming was done, I went off to Bio Lab for heart dissection! It certainly is very significant, since this is my first "specimen" that I have handled. Sadly, it was only the heart ... Heh. Many have said that I am heartless, for being so "disgusting" with the heart. My incision was slightly better than other groups; I hope that is a really positive sign for my future as a forensic pathologist!

And finally, Wushu. Wushu was alright, being a Wednesday. Coach QB was not there (or rather not supposed to, but he came), so Taiji people would do the normal stuffs with the rest. Today, I really 拼命了 for some actions I am more comfortable with. I did splits so hard on the ground until my knee is still hurting. Not to mention my injured (now much better) right ankle and my left thigh. By the end of 基本功, my legs were so weak I couldn't even do 旋子.

Now when I move my legs, I can feel my knee area moving very alarmingly. The bones and/or ligaments and/or muscles seem to be screeching every time I move it. I seriously hope that there would not be a second partial dislocation of my knee, as it did earlier this year.

TTFN.

This blog post took me almost an hour to complete. I must seriously stop procrastinating and being distracted while completing stuffs. By right, this blog post was to be finished in at most half an hour. After that, I am too study Transport in Plants. I wanted to bring my textbook back to study yesterday (and study Physics today), but I left it in the canteen. Luckily T was able to find it.


11 August 2011:

Much ado about F___!

Background: The whole affair started when an NTU valedictorian proclaimed "We f_____g did it!" at the end of her speech. Here's a video of the speech. (Note: although the expletive was uttered near the end, do watch the whole video for its full context.)


Done? Since this video made its way through countless people's Facebook and other social media accounts, there has been two sides of the argument. One view pointed out that being in such an important occasion, she should not have used the expletive. Besides, there were professors and parents around! Another view rebutted saying that it's time people let loose regarding all these social norms, and accept a new form of expression.

A few days ago, a commentary appeared on the 2nd page of the Straits Times regarding this episode. Yesterday, a Ms Poey wrote in and - the following word chosen to represent how I felt - brag about how her mouth is not foul at all.

This to-"F___"-or-not-to-"F___" episode has to stop. It's getting boring listening to both sides quarreling through Forum letters and online, when you know that vulgarities will still be alive and kicking in the time to come.

My thoughts about the whole thing? While I am staunchly advocating no vulgarities, I believe that in this context, the valedictorian didn't mean the expletive she was saying at all! It was at most, a very badly represented burst of happiness, seeing that she would graduate soon.

Why do I not support expletives? 1. They are not needed. Expletives are being badly, badly misused nowadays. I once read: "F___ is the only word that can be used as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, ..." And I totally agree with that! Sticking in a "F___", changing its tense a little, will give you a sentence that has its meaning emphasised in some way or another. The English language has at least& 171,476 words; and I'm rather sure that at least 1% of it could fit in as a substitute for the expletive leaving everyone's mouth.

2. It goes to show how uncouth one is. I understand that in the past, new Chinese immigrants arriving in Singapore spoke mostly dialects. Amongst them, the ones that came from Fujian province spoke Hokkien, which is a very crude dialect. Hence, the older generation's use of vulgarities can be slightly accepted, since that's what they were brought up with. Maybe if they learnt how to express themselves more eloquently, they'd cut down expletive usage as well.

But that differs from Ah Bengs and other people who deliberately mouth vulgarities as if it's a holy word of some sort. I bet they have learnt enough words to replace expletives, just that they think it is very dashing of them to use all kinds of expletives that greet people's mum and makes reference to genitalia.

But with all that said, it's not as if vulgarities will just die down when tomorrow comes. Teenagers will still use it as an easy substitute for some adjective that is at the back of their heads. And actually, almost everyone will be using it when they bite their tongue, hit their thumb, or simply failed a test.

I don't mean it as a boast or anything, but I'm glad I'm not involved in having my mouth (and brain) be taken over by expletives. It sounds stupid, but everyday, I "filter".

But to end of with maximum irony,

(sad to say, I was unable to find the uncensored version of this music video)


9 August 2011:

Gembira hari lahir, Singapura!

1. I have almost nothing to post today. I wanted to do a long post on Singapore's development thus far and its likely future, but realised that I probably know only 0.1%. Unwilling to waste readers' time, that idea was cancelled.

2. Last night, I watched PM Lee Hsien Loong talk for around 15 minutes for the National Day Message 2011. I don't know why, but I am always drawn to his father Lee Kwan Yew and his voice. I suppose great leaders have good oratorical skills. Of course, that's not to say that what they have done is 100% correct, but who knows how many people have been influenced to side with them just after hearing such magnificent speeches? (This reminds me of how great oratorical skills helped Hitler rise to power and gain popularity.)

3. It seems to me that this year's National Day Song is much more well-received than previous years, of course with the exception of the classical Home (1998). So far, no other song has beaten Kit Chan's vocals coupled with Dick Lee's lyrics. This year's song is titled In A Heartbeat, and it's sung by Sylvia Ratonel. In the music video, it shows Sharon Au and Timothy Nga as mother and son, an important family bond. I don't know why, but I have always liked these "generational" videos.

The music video starts off with mother and son (then played by Reuben Goh) enjoying kampung life. It followed by scenes of them relocating, and it continues to highlight important milestones in the son's life. Doing National Service, getting a girlfriend, graduating, getting married, having a baby, and watching their child grow up: it shows the idealistic Singapore Life. Someone actually said this music video had a hidden intention to boost fertility rates, with the first sentence being "I have a dream of starting a life". Actually, to me, it meant the Singapore Life. Oh well, different interpretations, lah.

Here's the music video, if you've yet to view it:

4. TTFN. Happy birthday, Singapore. 祝新加坡生日快樂。


8 August 2011:

I was not socially responsible enough.

I don't know if this is the first time or not, but this is probably the most severe time. Here's what happened:

A schoolmate L - whom I do not know in real life - posted on Facebook, talking about a "challenge". When the criteria of the challenge was met, he came up with various reasons to deem it invalid. Feeling that it was cowardly of him to do so, I openly inveighed against his challenge. Some of the words I chosen were extremely inappropriate and contained strong messages.

It was no wonder that L got very angry when he found out about it. Following that, I wrote him an apology "letter". There is still no response, yet. I truly hope he can put this matter aside and perhaps account it on my foolishness.

What I meant to criticse then was just the act; whoever did such a thing, I would most probably have about the same response then. Of course, looking back, that was probably not the wisest and best response I could have given. Like what I stated to L: What I said was never directed at him. It was actually meant to be about the action itself.

---

Some people heard about my "escapade". Among the responses: "Of all the people, why did you choose to offend L?" I don't comprehend.

Firstly, like what I mentioned, this was done not to offend L. (Of course, logically speaking, it is the most natural response that could be invoked.) Secondly, does this mean that if the person I inveighed against was not L, it was perfectly alright for me?

I don't think I can agree with that. For having caused all the trouble, I sincerely regretted it. After all, it still is my fault. No matter who I would offend, it would still be my fault. Some people think that's I've done a serious thing because it's involving L; to me, it's important regardless of who I have offeneded.

I apologised, because I did something wrong. I apologised, not because I was afraid of L. I respect him, and trust that this episode will quickly die down.


5 August 2011:

Was I not tactful enough?

Today an incident occurred.

It was during recess. On my way out of the canteen, I saw S. The left side of her face looked like there were a few pimples. And I remarked "Hey, I think you have a pimple outbreak ..."

And Cold War has started, since then. Technically, I don't know if it should be termed as Cold War, since I am nowhere near ignoring S.

The remark was in no way trying to insult S. It was half-joking, half-concerned. I understand that girls are very sensitive about their appearance, so that probably seemed like a very serious insult.

To me: I told S what I really thought. Now, looking back, I do realise that I could have been more tactful. I could have hinted to her, or maybe simply ignored.

What I find slightly irritating was the reaction that followed. After the incident, and till I left school, I saw S at least twice. The idea was the same: call out and say hello to everyone around me, purposely looking at the sky or somewhere else just to pretend my non-existence.

It's not that I am so hurt by this whole treatment. I just find it very non-constructive. I sincerely believe that the ideal situation would be to resolve this minor misunderstanding, and maybe have me apologise. But after seeing S's behaviour, I am hesitant to take any action. After all, I am rather sure that my actions would be ignored.

I would understand if S purposely ignored me. But how would you account for the deliberate responsiveness towards others around me? A method of spiting me. And what good would that do? Perhaps it is not evident, but that just spoils relations even further.

I admit that my very first (or rather, only) sentence in this whole episode has been rather inappropriate and insensitive. However, I do think that doing such things and whining to mutual friends about this intentionally when I am around is very ... childish.

Nevertheless, I do hope for a resolution. I do not wish to have such a strained relation with someone whom I have had frequent contact with over the past year. It is very tiring, boring, and childish.


1 August 2011:

Do councillors equate to people who like to book others?

Apparently, some people think so, no matter what has be done to prove them wrong.

Of course, we book people. I'm not denying at all that we do not do such a thing. Plenty of people ridicule that our system is not working: we book and no action is taken, or that the action taken makes people rebel even more against the rules.

We have heard these.

Hence, we have decided to change it slightly. I am not sure if I am allowed to announce these minor changes prior to the official announcement, but rest assured the system will have more beneficial changes. Definitely, we as councillors would want to see that more students being in favour of the system, since this system was set up with the student population in mind.

Of course, I'm expecting some negative responses towards this new change. I just hope that students still can keep an open mind, and try to understand our rationale behind doing the changes. I believe the Top 6 and the teachers must have considered a lot of stuffs before finalising these changes.

With all that said, I know some people still will bear a grudge against councillors. Whatever made them so against us, I have no idea. Some of the people purposely turn hostile when they see us. Personally, I don't need people to be extra friendly to us. Why can't they just be neutral? It doesn't help either side if the students purposely provoke us just because we are trying to do our duty.

Some even cross the boundary by insulting and inveighing against councillors. Then if the incident gets blown up, they put out their shields and be very defensive. After this whole thing, their impression of councillors will deteriorate, and their hostility towards us will be upgraded. It's a vicious cycle, lah.

Disclaimer: While there were some incidents that occurred recently, I am in no way referring to any one party. I do not have a 100% knowledge of the affairs that happened, so I will not risk misjudging anyone, be it a councillor or not. Nevertheless, the "cases" I mentioned are some common traits that I see.

Disclaimer 2: This is in no way propaganda of any sort. I was not commissioned by anyone to write such a post. This is purely how I feel. So if you're one of those who have this tendency to twist any "pro-councillor" post you see, so be it, I'm not stopping you!



aboutme.

From Singapore. 20 years of age. Blogs as and when inspiration comes, in British English (and Singlish), Traditional Chinese and (hopefully) Russian. Not a lifestyle blogger, expect posts to be serious, dull or even obscure. I enjoy comedy, in particular British humour.



interests.

[more or less in order] medicine | forensics | theatre | modern world history | typography (including style and grammar) | visual design | Taiji | Chinese language and literature | Mandarin pop (and singing) | Apple products.



typography.

PT Serif for main text and links. Ubuntu Condensed for dates, post titles and sidebar headings. Both fonts from Google Web Fonts.



credits.

singzeon. by Sing Zeon is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International Licence. Pictures used here either come from my Instagram (instagram.com/singzeon) or Google image search. For the latter, I do not own those pictures.



quote.

Hard to love. 認真你就輸了。