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27 April 2013:

tired

i want to blog

but im too tired

not physically but mentally

drama, studies, other stuff

product of jc life?

TTFN.


14 April 2013:

我最親愛的,你過得怎麼樣?


不知道你過得怎樣。從那時到現在,大概有一年多了吧。我後悔嗎?也許吧。

我不經常後悔東西,但是你就是個例外。我是歷史學生,所以每件事都會分析它的導因和影響。於是乎,我有經常想:「如果那時我沒有那麼做,你會怎樣呢?」

也許,你會過得更好?那年你留級,我有想過那是不是我的錯。是不是我害到你沒法專心。試想,我挺自私的。我輕易的置身事外,你卻深陷其中。



我期待有人愛。

I'm at it again. 去年我跟T同桌,不時會因為感情問題而emo,他來安撫。不是因為跟女朋友出問題而emo,是因為沒女朋友才emo。

可笑吧?也許世界的另一端,有人正因為自己和伴侶出問題煩惱,我卻煩惱沒有伴侶的問題。但我為何要女朋友?

不是拿來炫耀,不是跟她搞事情。而是這陣子我總覺得生命似乎有些空缺,不過也說不出是什麼空缺。功課很忙,日子也挺充實,不過就是覺得如果身邊有個人那多好。

我想去愛一個人。我想去保護她。最近在推特上,我看到情侶們的恩愛照。是的我挺羨慕。他們肩並肩一起奮鬥,同時深愛對方。



當然,話說回來,我也沒什麼能力。最主要的就是沒有財富方面的能力。以前我聽朋友說父母約束他要等到做工賺錢後才能有女朋友,想來也不無道理。

青少年的情侶出去約會時,用的是父母的錢。儘管他們有時省吃儉用存錢,但畢竟錢的來源就是父母的薪水。

如果以最實際的方式來看待,交往就是一種生意。通常,男朋友會在金錢上付出較多——賣花、付錢——女朋友則在感情上付出較多。這宗生意是雙方共同維持的。

所以,如果用父母的錢就不太對了。如果分手了——生意失敗了——算是財情兩空。如果終於結婚了——生意總算有收穫——至少沒那麼糟糕。

當然,我並沒有提倡以金錢角度當作衡量感情的工具。我也相信感情不能用金錢維持;它畢竟不是一種真正的生意。我只是想說明用父母的「資金」來維持自己的「生意」這有點說不過去。

回到剛才所說的,我也相當相信這種想法。所以除非我真的非常篤定那女人是我的唯一,我不會在這個年齡跟人交往。

說起來,這事也挺矛盾的。我渴望有女朋友,但同時認為現在有女朋友不好,因為需要花道父母的錢。這段期間我在讀書,也不容易去外頭找工作。



我是個倔犟的人。我如果喜歡一個人,會喜歡她很久、很久。也許對一些女生她們會認為這挺好,因為代表我很忠心。但對我來說,我也會痛苦很久。

其實我從幼稚園就有喜歡的對象了,不過幼稚園的那個現在想來也不過是個puppy crush。一到小學就把她忘掉了。小學的那個比較恆久。

不過最終我們也沒做什麼。我沒表示,她也許知道也許不知道,也就這樣不了了之。(當然我在想要是那時我真的和她在一起,應該也維持不了多久。畢竟我們太小了。)

中學就比較有「行動」。不過鬧了四年……也沒有什麼。反而害了一個人,成為一種遺憾。現在我在初級學院,有不少同學有男/女朋友,都是從中學開始的。

看他們和自己的男/女朋友那麼開心……我不禁感到羨慕。

或者,我應該靠緣分吧,我不必想那麼多了。如果我注定有個女朋友,無心插柳柳成蔭,我就會有的。


修煉愛情的心酸,學會放好以前的渴望。

就這樣。


13 April 2013:

Some random musings VII.

1. PW groupings are out. Currently, it does seem that my group is good. I'm the only guy amongst the five people in my group, but there's no choice cos there's only five guys in my class. So logically one guy per group.

I'm trying not to be cynical and sceptical, and I really hope that my group really remains a good one. Looking at other groups ... there are people which I think I won't work well with, so I'm thankfully that I am not with any of those people.

That said, I really hope I can be on (at least) amicable relations with people from my class. It's a short two years so there's no point if we spend the time pitting against each other and all. It's all right and understandable if there are cliques forming but I really don't wish for the clique thing to be so entrenched that people stick to it so steadfastly.

Back to PW grouping, S was saying how certain groups were actually good even thought people thought it was bad, and vice versa. So while I feel my PW group is a good one now, I really hope that I do not need to change my opinion of it.

We shall all work together for this project and do it well. Probably not everyone in the group is fine with me, but I guess I have to work towards changing that. Other than that, so far PW group and PW seems promising.

~

But of course, PI is horrible. Sometimes I really feel like 'aiya neh mind lah the rest do properly can liao' but this is A Levels so I can't play play. So, I shall press on.

2. Drama progress is on its way. Today was a defining rehearsal because Ms N and Mr T helped tear apart my character in a good way. So now I'm much clearer of what he is like. It really helps to have literature teachers being in charge of drama.

But now, I'm met with more problems. To be honest, it's easier to act in a particular way that I used to do for a while. Now that they have helped analysed my character out further, it would be wrong to portray as usual that kind of character to the audience.

I would have to change but then again it's not very easy. Although my character is a second-tier minor character, there's actually quite a bit of analysis to be done. And precisely because it's a minor character, the amount of information online isn't a lot. 

However, I am rather happy that at least I got this character. Although I've acted in productions when I was young, I stopped for a few years and certainly my skills are not like before. So I am glad to be given a chance for this production.

There is really a lot of talent in drama, and I feel really glad because I can foresee the whole production being a success. No doubt we aren't very polished now, but I believe we will do so in time for the production.

From now till Tuesday, though, I really have to take a critical look at my character and iron out all the subtleties and nuances. Then I'll probably present my ideas to H and see if he accepts it.

What Ms Nansi said is true. 'You are pulling down 24 other actors.' Drama is sort of like a team sport. A sub-par actor may leave negative impressions on audiences. And that's quite sad cos they would think 'hmm the play was good except this guy ...' and the overall impression is affected.

So I really don't want to be the 'this guy'. In fact, I hope there is no 'this guy' in my whole cast. Definitely there are excellent ones but at least the weaker ones like me would still reach a certain high standard that we can be proud of.

The production is from 9 to 11 May and 16 to 18 May. I'll be acting in all six shows. Actually, I don't know which do people prefer. To take a minor role and act in all six shows or to take a major role but appear for only three of the shows?

3. I am never a fan of KPop. In fact, sometimes I can be quite anti-Kop. But: I must say Gentleman is quite a nice song. Yes I don't know the lyrics, but at least the music video and tune does seem catchy.


Go listen to the next billion-views song~

4. I can't really think of other stuff to say, so

TTFN.


6 April 2013:

Some random musings VI.

(The 'random musings' posts are not related at all.)

1. It's early April now. About seven weeks have passed since the start of JC. I suppose I did not really address my transition to JC, so I shall do it here. But first, let me haolian a little.

2. Those who know me well enough should no that I am really CMI when it comes to fitness. The only thing closest to fitness that I have is flexibility, but of course during NAPFA tests that at most helps during Sit and Reach.

Starting this year, I have decided to be build up my stamina and fitness. I've started with cycling, since it isn't as demoralising as running and I'm quite interested in it. So just now, I went to cycle!


I took nearly two hours to complete ~20 km, which meant an average speed 10kmh-1. I know this isn't that fantastic, but I truly gave it my best. It's my first time trying a route this long, and there were a few times that I really felt like giving up.

But, thankfully, I pressed on. My knees were hurting badly and there was so much oxygen debt. I could hear the popping sound in my left knee. That is one 舊傷 that 太極 has given me. Now it's alright, but I do fear what would happen many years later.

A side note about cycling, I was quite upset previously cos I wanted to start this at least one week earlier. However, for the month of March, Singapore weather was being a bitch and it rained near evenings. Since I wanted to cycle during evenings, this meant I couldn't go.

Today nearly was a miss too because GY couldn't make it last minute. (But he has a valid reason so I shall give him 'VR' and not absent LOLOL.) I wanted to postpone this time again, but in the end I decided to go cycle alone.

The ride wasn't as bad as I thought it was. In fact, it was much better. I could feel this sense of accomplishment and that somehow, I'm on my way to becoming fit!

3. Regarding being fit, I would like to introduce other 'measures' that I would be taking. The app I used above was mountainbikePRO by runtastic. I've tried a few fitness apps but so far I'm still very attracted to the whole runtastic series of them.


I've placed a shadow beneath those apps that I would very much like. I currently have heartratePRO, mountainbikePRO, situpsPRO and squatsPRO. As you can see, the apps have a standard design scheme, which to an anal person like me is heaven.

I've tried all four apps so far, and besides the fantastic design schemes, their functions and features are really good! It is very easy to locate things within the app, other similar apps are very confusing and messy.

If you're interested you can visit the App Store for more details. There would be free giveaways of free apps, which was how I got the four. (There was supposed to be another one but I missed the giveaway timeframe.)

~

To tell the truth, this post is done over today and Monday. So there is certianly detachment and non-continuity of thought. Whatever I wrote above doesn't and may not link at all.

4. School is tiringly enriching. Because of my screwed-up timetable, the earliest I get to go home is 1600. However, apart from feeling sleepy and all, I don't exactly dread going to school.

To me, it's more like a routine and things just go on and on. Lessons go on and we learn new things. Terms come and go. Then it's exams. Then back to lessons and exams. Repeat a few times till it's A Levels.

Perhaps it's this routine that keeps me going. Ever since I started JC, I have been sleeping at 2330 or later. The latest I slept was 0130. Back in secondary school, I normally slept around 1100. Rare were the days where I slogged till midnight; they were normally closer to O Levels.

Now, it's a blessing if I can sleep before 2300. Yet I don't exactly feel burnt-out. I do experience fatigue and sleepiness but I'm still holding on well. Coffee normally helps greatly, but I am wary of it being an addiction.

5. In a matter slightly related to school, PW is ongoing and I really hope that I would get a good PW group. I've heard of friends turning into foes after PW and I really don't want that to happen.

I know at times I am the weakest link, so I really hope that this time the group I am in has no weakest link at all. We all work hard together, excel together and get our As. We would know our groupings by next week. I'm seriously hoping.

6. I am more and more anti-America. If you may ask 'why?', I'd probably ask you 'why not?' Yes, there are nice things about America. However, many countries have said nice things as well. America doesn't exactly have a unique 'nice thing' besides American culture.

And to me American culture has less-than-excellent values anyway. Yet, America has many negative aspects which are often forgiven by people in awe of them. There are simply too many things to list; you never should ask me 'why do you hate America?' else prepared to be bombarded with rants about them.

7. I shall be practising pull-ups soon. Hopefully by week 8, I'll be able to do at least 7. I really want a NAPFA silver at least. But of course 2.4 km run and standing broad jump is still an issue, as always. So is shuttle run. Seems like I quite sucky at NAPFA test in total.

TTFN.



aboutme.

From Singapore. 20 years of age. Blogs as and when inspiration comes, in British English (and Singlish), Traditional Chinese and (hopefully) Russian. Not a lifestyle blogger, expect posts to be serious, dull or even obscure. I enjoy comedy, in particular British humour.



interests.

[more or less in order] medicine | forensics | theatre | modern world history | typography (including style and grammar) | visual design | Taiji | Chinese language and literature | Mandarin pop (and singing) | Apple products.



typography.

PT Serif for main text and links. Ubuntu Condensed for dates, post titles and sidebar headings. Both fonts from Google Web Fonts.



credits.

singzeon. by Sing Zeon is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International Licence. Pictures used here either come from my Instagram (instagram.com/singzeon) or Google image search. For the latter, I do not own those pictures.



quote.

Hard to love. 認真你就輸了。