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27 February 2012:

Leadership renewal screws everyone up.

Previously, my mum asked if there was any politics in school, like office politics that she faces. I told her no, it wasn't that complicated.

Maybe now I can take back my words. There is politics; it has been around for a while. It's just that previously, there's no event to unleash all of it. There are disagreements and skrimishes, but they generally are rather small-scale. People don't really care about it.

Then came along leadership renewal. Here's where you see lots of politics being played. It's scary, seeing that seemingly innocent and "pure" people would actually be plotting stuff. Of course, one would be a fool to be passive and go with the flow during leadership renewal; definitely a certain amount of planning would be required, so that hopefully you can get the leadership post you were aiming for.

But it's not all that simple. It's very, very complex. I don't even know how exactly to talk about it.

Who knows? Maybe behind some people's backs, I'm being talked about, being insulted and scolded. I may be the common enemy, unknowingly. I'm not saying all this just because I suspect I'm being targeted at, and decide to come here to whine to possibly non-existent blog viewers.

It's just that ... I feel it's really tiring. (Which was what my mum said too.) Sometimes people may unknowingly do things without realising that it is actually hurtful or objectionable to certain parties. Maybe that's why people are termed hypocritical.

hypocritical (adj.)
behaving in a way that suggests one has higher standards or more noble beliefs than is the case.

I believe that some "hypocrites" are actually not hypocrites. It's just that sometimes, they are simply insensitive, and did not realise there was another side of the coin to consequences. So, they are termed hypocrites by others.

I wonder if anyone thinks I'm a hypocrite.


23 February 2012:

近來,有趣的東西不斷在新加坡發生。

有個在新加坡國立大學,提倡基督教的激進組織,被下令停止所有的活動。我不想說明他們做了什麽,因為一想到就覺得生氣。當然,我對基督教的人沒有不滿,除非你過於偏激地倡導基督教。其實什麽信仰都一樣,過分就是不好啦。

有個中國人罵新加坡人是狗。屁話。相信很多新加坡人都怒火中燒。也相信中國政府根本不管這些雞毛蒜皮的事,因為他們至今也沒發表聲明。可能,他們也頗有同感,所以不想這麼麻煩發個聲明。對啦。那男的甚至說回「拿刀等他」。真是的。

後港的事也被炒得風風雨雨。我還是覺得,行動黨在利用主流媒體影響人們對工人党的看法,趁機讓人們失去對工人党的信心。不過我相信真正支持工人黨的人,不會憑這件事就從此轉投其他黨。說真的,我只覺得工人党能夠跟行動黨比。

行動黨秘書長李顯龍總理發了律師信給本地的一個政治博客。它們承認自己的控制不過好,所以導致一些不太適當的文章出現。它們也大方的道歉了。可是這次,李顯龍的弟弟李顯陽今天又寄來一封律師信。幸好這次,網站沒有妥協,因為這次的要求實在是太過分了。

就這樣。


13 February 2012:

There's lots of things I want to say.

But can I? I don't think so.

As RS put it on Twitter,

There are some things that can be said and cannot be said. There are also some things that can be said, not now, but later. There are also some things that can be said, not by you, but by others.

 And that is so true.

One of the reasons why I started a blog is not to blog about my daily life for the most time. It is to express how / what I am feeling towards certain issues. Yet now, I feel like I am under repression.

Of course, there is no physical someone holding me down, stopping me from typing what I have to say. But there's this restraint I have within me.

Sometimes, I do not blog what I actually want to, because I know I might cause conflict amongst me and someone else, or between two other people. I don't want that to happen, although I am pressed to reveal some stuff.

Or sometimes, I don't post exactly, because I am afraid to be misjudged. I easily cause people to misinterpret my viewpoint. And from there, it is a long and abominable process of reversing the impression people have welded in their minds.

Sure, some people would say: "Just f___ it and do what you want." I wish I could do so.

There are some people that I would love to scold. Scold them for being so selfish, materialistic, and manipulative. In the past, I really would have done so. But then people advised me and said I should control my temper. Which I have done so, and hopefully is successful.

But there are times when I certainly cannot stand it anymore. I simply want to scold some people in English, Chinese, Hokkien, or whatever language I can make use of at that moment. That would be for causing me so much trouble and sadness.

If I could, I would also like to apologise to some people. I am not the best friend around, and certainly have made mistakes which inconvenienced / incensed friends around me. So I would want to tell them how sorry I've been. But sometimes, I can't. It's not a pride issue, where I might lose face if I apologised. It's because this whole situation is so intangible, I am afraid of exploding it unnecessarily when I apologise.

I would also like to tell the truth to some people. Sometimes, it's not that I lied to them or anything. I just did not reveal everything. Again, someone would be damned if I revealed everything. But then again, someone else is also damned if I reveal everything. So what can I do?

I recently saw this blog, where the author listed everything out (what she liked / hated) about her friends. She was brutally honest, but for me, I wouldn't mind if I was the target. At least to me, it seemed reasonable; she was not ranting aimlessly, she had reasons or stories to prove her point.

I don't have the courage to do that. I am still very afraid of the repercussions that may arise once I do so. How I wish I could simply express myself.

TTFN.


12 February 2012:

Singapore is very interesting now, it seems.

Is it an effect of the GE 2011 that more and more scandals are surfacing? Maybe more people dare to voice out and raise their displeasure towards certain policies or moves that the Government has made, and also to highlight scandals by public servants.

Our government sure has lots of work to do, before GE2016. Else, it can forget about retaining as many seats. The demographic has shifted, and lots of open-minded individuals are getting voting power too. Obviously the ruling party doesn't seem to grasp this segment of society properly.


8 February 2012:

Leadership renewal is coming.

It's around this time of the year where teachers from every CCA or Student Council will stick out their antennae to search for the next batch of EXCO. It's also around this time of the year, where you will see the true colours of many people.

So to all Sec 3s (or Sec 2s) out there vying for posts, 請記得對得起自己的良心.

TTFN.


2 February 2012:

生命中的種種如果。

很多人都希望能擁有控制時間的能力;當然我們知道那是不可能的。而且更多人希望不只是停止時間,最好能夠倒退。這樣子,他們能夠重新進行一些選擇。

當然,那也是天方夜譚。不過,我不否認自己也覬覦這一「功力」。

我活了5559天。這是網上的一些程序給我算出來的,希望沒錯。在這5559天里,可能說,頭2190天是比較不用選擇。人一直六歲的時候,大多的事情都由家長、老師或其他人幫你解決,幫你選擇。出事了,你不用管。

是在第2191天之後吧,我覺得,人生的選擇多了。那個時候,我們紛紛上小學。小學的選擇當然比較輕鬆:今天,該吃什麽?到底要不要去玩耍?去哪裡玩耍?要不要不停老師的話在那裡嘰嘰喳喳?

當然,在那個時候,這些選擇相當惱人的吧。可是我更是覺得在第4380天之後,選擇更加重要啦。上中學啦。中學的環境更複雜。何為「複雜」,見仁見智。選擇變成:今天,該吃什麽?(或者至少這仍是我每天進行的選擇之一。)哪些功課不做算啦?哪些課睡覺去吧?哪個女生值得追?

哇。這些選擇,似乎更加有意義啦。都是舉足輕重的,其後果可以從吃錯東西拉肚子,到追錯女生後悔莫及,到考試不及格留級。

如果時間可以倒退,你會哪些時間點做出更懂呢?

我是個相信「蝴蝶效應」的人。簡單的來說,有個理論稱一支在世界西邊揮動翅膀的蝴蝶,可能造成東邊一些劇烈天氣的結果。

英文讀物中有個故事《A Sound of Thunder》講的大概也是這個。如果我們在時間點做出更動,那其事情的後果必定不同啦。

昨天我和CW友講到這些。如果我沒參加武術,我現在的生活會有怎樣的改變呢?

我中一的時候,我去了英文戲劇社和武術的面試。我不是想自誇,不過當時英文戲劇社的老師說他肯接受我入社。最終我去了武術。

其實,我大致上不後悔,不過仍想馳騁于想像中。CW友說如果我一開始就參加了英文戲劇社,我會從中一就認識JQ友,可能和她會更好。是這樣嗎?

我不肯定。很多可能性存在。也許,我雖然在中一認識她了,可因種種原因我們反而憎恨對方。一直到中四。雖然這是相當悲觀的想像,但你不能否認類似這種事不會發生。

所以我並不後悔,為何不早點認識JQ友,或CW友,我誰都不後悔。但如果我當初不談戀愛,也許一場友誼仍能維持。現在,我承認大致是我的錯,所以再後悔也於事無補。

我以前是個在意過去的人。我不知關心歷史,那不同。以前我非常執著于犯下的錯誤。結果與我合作的人都受不了。現在我敢說這個問題我算改掉了(可能極少會重犯吧)。當我看到自己以前的弊病在別人身上犯,我也瞭解到別人當初是如何感受。

自己有點亂啦,不知道該講啥好吶。那就這樣吧。

既然時光不能倒退,我們勇往直前,天天向上。



aboutme.

From Singapore. 20 years of age. Blogs as and when inspiration comes, in British English (and Singlish), Traditional Chinese and (hopefully) Russian. Not a lifestyle blogger, expect posts to be serious, dull or even obscure. I enjoy comedy, in particular British humour.



interests.

[more or less in order] medicine | forensics | theatre | modern world history | typography (including style and grammar) | visual design | Taiji | Chinese language and literature | Mandarin pop (and singing) | Apple products.



typography.

PT Serif for main text and links. Ubuntu Condensed for dates, post titles and sidebar headings. Both fonts from Google Web Fonts.



credits.

singzeon. by Sing Zeon is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International Licence. Pictures used here either come from my Instagram (instagram.com/singzeon) or Google image search. For the latter, I do not own those pictures.



quote.

Hard to love. 認真你就輸了。