11 August 2013:
y = 1/x, x < 0
The four-day holiday was supposed to help me catch up in any lagging schoolwork, take a break and recharge myself for the madness that will ensure in the days leading to the Promotional Exams. (That's about 51 days, by the way.)Instead, it left me sick, depressed and dejected. Which, if anything, can be represented by the above equation. Three days ago I fell sick; since then things just were awful. I have been sleeping at 10 for two nights already, in an attempt to recover before school reopens.
Till now I still don't know why I fell sick. At first it started with a sore throat, which I thought was due to the heaty food I ate. But then what was a sore throat became a flu attack, with the classic blocked nose, runny nose etc.
I know it's quite an excuse, but because of this I really didn't have the motivation to do any homework at all. On Friday I could still sit at my computer from 2 to 7 typing out a 50-page Written Report (obviously not from scratch though) ... Today I became a wreck.
Being sick and a procrastinator just gives me the perfect excuse to slack. And while I feel guilty, the inertia was too great for me. Nevertheless I completed some maths and history homework along the way. For me to even finish those were a miracle.
~
May I add that I am very annoyed at certain person? They obviously study so much more than others. Yet they often proclaim that they do not study a lot and fret the most about tests or exams. Previously I used to think it was a perception of relativity.
Y'know, maybe they didn't know that actually the amount they studied is more than average. Then I realised, most actually do. So I can't help but think of another reason why they keep saying that.
~
I think my body is somehow programmed to fall sick after a drama production. Which, if it's the case, is utterly horrible for me. It was the case for Twelfth Night and seems to be the case for National Day skit too.
But speaking of National Day skit, I was quite heartened to see that people liked it. I must admit that it wasn't perfect, especially the part where the cast sang Count on Me Singapore. Nevertheless, I truly don't blame the cast, it wasn't exactly their fault.
This skit was my 'directorial debut'. Naturally, I was really anxious for it and wanted it to be the best it could be. My worries were unfounded when I saw the final product on that day. Not perfect, but certainly a very good effort by the cast.
I must say that I'm grateful for such a cast. Sometimes I may be over-bearing and over-demanding but they still are willing to work with me. In fact, they often throw out suggestions on how to make the skit even better.
This is what drama is like. It shouldn't be a one-way thing where directors bark out orders at actors; actors and directors should get together and discuss what would be the best outcome. Therefore I actively practised such a concept.
Of course, there were times where I got really upset with the cast. (In my defence, I wasn't alone in my anger.) At certain points of time some of them had almost zero stage awareness, and that was rather critical towards the skit's success (or any production in general).
At the end of the day, luckily, relations with my cast are not frayed. Ultimately, they are no longer my cast and I'm not their director anymore. We are now all just members of TjDrama, and it certainly wouldn't be good to have such a divide.
~
Because of my drama production, I missed out on some friends' celebrations, which I feel wholly guilty for. I am especially guilty for I, since I didn't even convey birthday wishes to her. Though I did text her after that, I still feel slightly guilty about it.
Production periods are utterly hectic. Besides rehearsals there is normal school time, so basically at the end of the day everyone's tired. As a result I almost went MIA for a period of time, with regard to my social life.
After I's birthday came CW and GY's. LJ and gang was organising a birthday lunch for them and again, I had to give it a miss. It clashed with TAC. At that point of time I really felt horrible. I couldn't give TAC a miss because I was part of Exco and it was compulsory.
As a consolation, Exco agreed that we would have Exco lunch after TAC. Yet, C went off with her old Exco (couldn't really blame her) and the three others had to go to Tampines Mall for one reason or another. So I ate alone at the food centre opposite school.
That was a really, really depressing moment. I probably never felt so awful in a long time. In the food centre I saw people I knew, all eating happily with their CCA mates or other friends. And there was me, eating alone, using a handphone at the same time, pathetically.
~
On the one hand, I value friends' birthday because it's a time to reunite. On the other, I really don't appreciate the value of birthdays. I really think that if one were to live every day to his / her fullest, every day is a 'birthday'. You are alive and kicking and contributing.
~
I don't know how many times people have asked me about it, but I truly don't fancy anyone since I entered TJC. I really don't get it: is it must to fancy someone? It's almost like a rite of passage thing, a 'if A then B' event.
And I absolutely dislike it when people assume I fancy a particular someone, and proceed to tell the person about it. What happens is I am avoided for a period of time, when I don't even know what is happening! It's not helpful at all, since I don't even fancy those people.
~
I have been very lazy with regard to blogging recently. There were actually many things that I had opinions on. Examples include the bald incident, National Day song ... I swear I could have written >1000 words for the former.
But I let my opinions out verbally and somehow I wasn't so inclined to blogging about it anymore. Well too bad. I feel worried, though, because I know my writing (argumentative) isn't that polished, and blogging is a good time to hone my skills.
~
Back in secondary school some teachers used to say, towards the end of Sec 4, that secondary school friends will be dearer than JC friends. Till today I think it is very true. After all, you spend two years more for secondary school friends than JC friends.
And even if you only knew the close secondary school friends at Sec 3, it was a more relaxed environment and people had more time to socialise and get to know each other better. Right now the JC environment is like an office where everyone just works.
Who actually has time to make earnest friends? (Okay, maybe it's only me.) One problem I have is that I have many acquaintances or hi-bye friends. The danger of having too many hi-bye friends is that you think you could depend on them.
I'm not saying that it's their fault. Because we obviously aren't close enough, for both of us to be invested in each other. Therefore if a hi-bye friend leaves in time of need, I actually won't blame him / her. To me it's a reality; not everybody is that altruistic to help everyone.
Which reminds me of Mr C's statement of how humans are selfish. That is really, really true. No matter how many campaigns there are on working together, no matter how schools teach, humans are generally selfish.
This traces back to our evolutionary history, where cavemen fought for survival. Throw in a bit of economics: resources are finite. One deer, two men: survival of the fittest, the victor gets the deer. So it's somehow ingrained in us that we are selfish.
Of course along the way people realised that it may be better to work together. Thus started cooperation and all the movements. But ultimately, in times of life and death, very few will actually sacrifice themselves. I don't think they should be blamed, anyhow.
~
這個世界上，有些人就是這樣：友達以上，戀人未滿。看完漫畫我無比感動。（題外話：要找中國的漫畫非常難！到處都是抄襲的，想找個正統的不容易。）
TTFN.