24 November 2012:
Это я.
Ever since 16 Nov, I have been spending time at home. It's been eight days now, so let me summarise what I've been doing here:Yup that pretty much sums up what I've done. No there's nothing with your computer, what's wrong is my life. I really haven't been doing much these few days. Almost all my close friends are either in chalet or overseas. Some like GY are even all the way at Sweden, what a posh place that is.
And I am stuck in Singapore. I would be heading overseas next month, but it is not really what I originally wanted. So the only thing I can do next is to stay optimistic and enjoy my time there.
Almost everyday my routine would be to read newspapers > use the computer > eat my lunch > use the computer > eat my dinner > watch TV. That sounds exactly like the life of a pig. It's a surprise I'm not growing fat already.
I've been asking some friends to head out, but as I said, most are either out of Singapore or in chalets already, so it's difficult to arrange. B, J and I nearly couldn't arrange a meet up. I really didn't want this year to be an exception that we've made for 9 years. Thankfully our tentative date is 11 Dec, after J returns from USA.
I don't know if B is going anywhere, but his sister recently received her PSLE results. She had a score of around 230. I don't know his sister's usual standard but for someone in Tao Nan, that score isn't very good. To clarify, I'm not insulting his sister ah. If for example she is really very, very weak normally and she gets 230, then of course I would say too that it's a fab improvement. I'm just stating that the average score for Tao Nan would be at least 240 and above. (Which reminds me of how I was below average then.)
Oh and yes after a week, I'm still sick. Actually I would say that I'm 90% recovered, but it's just the irritating bit of phlegm and mucus left. I've been blowing my nose very, very hard since morning. It is stuck near my tonsils, which is a hard to reach area especially since it's very sticky as well.
I'm just scared that I may burst some membrane in the process, because I do feel pain inside my cheeks or nose after blowing. Especially when most of the time, only little mucus comes out. So the pressure applied is mainly dealt to tissue, and that's not good. I'm creating a high pressure environment for my nose.
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Yesterday my blog hit 15051 page views. I have been blogging since March 2010. My archives are open for anyone to view, but I strongly suggest not. Otherwise, you would die of uncontrollable laughter or contempt after seeing how childish my posts were previously.
I am the long-post kind of blogger. Some like typicalben prefer to use lots of pictures. Maybe I would do so too if I had good looks like him. I prefer to use my words to move people. Although a picture paints a thousand words, but I am of the belief that words are equally manipulative if used well.
Of course, I can't guarantee that every post would be an epic. Sometimes I really don't have stamina to continue after 1500 words, so I would just call it a day. (I only post once a day, regardless of how long / short or good / sucky the post is.) However, I try to make every post as meaningful and enjoyable as possible. At times, however, I realise that my posts can be confusing.
As a result, I have decided to take up logic and reasoning practice. I am going to apply such skills in my posts. This doesn't mean that I would be writing argumentative essays here. Such skills can be used for writing narratives as well, actually. It's about how you phrase your statements to make sure there are no fallacies.
Upon re-reading my previous posts, I realised that there were spots which could cause confusion to the reader. Normally this is because I use words like 'it' too many times. Otherwise, it would be because I fell for fallacies and there is something wrong with the logic of the paragraph.
Therefore, I would like to fix that problem, since it no doubt would help me next year as well, when I begin GP. I trust that my readers would also benefit from it, cos that would save them some time from going 'huh' at confusing paragraphs. In all, that would make my posts much more coherent and fluid, such as those of YM's.
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I originally intended for this post to be about some regrets that I have. In the end I thought that I would not have much content, so I decided for it to be as sub-post as such.
The first regret would be to say no when I mean no. Saying no when I mean no would save me and Y from heartbreak. Actually, only Y suffered from heartbreak. I was the heartless one. I had no feelings for her; yet I had the mentality of 'try try lah'. At that time I was so infatuated by JL. It was not right of me to agree to Y while thinking constantly of JL.
This was especially bad cos I am in the same class as JL, so it's difficult to not think of her. The whole time I was with Y, which was about two months, I really tried hard to like her. However I guess we weren't fated. I know that she really went all-out (not what you're thinking here), so yes I do feel indebted to her cos the ending wasn't well-done.
I have this junior S and he broke up with his girlfriend at around the same time as me. Yet they remained close friends ever since. I yearn for that, but I know that it's rather impossible given the circumstances.
Y retained for a year this year. I really don't know if it was because of the heartbreak that made her 無心向學. If that is so, then of course I should be deeply apologetic to her. However, I think it's all too late to really think of all that now. I simply hope for the best for her.
The second regret is to reduce the number of people I ignore. My critics would now pounce on this previous statement and go 'aha I knew it you're so proud that you ignore people'. Well, hear me out yeah.
You may call me stupid, but sometimes I ignore because things are awkward. For example when we went on to Sec 3, there were classmates I'm not as close to that went to different classes. Should I wave? Should I not? Many a time, I actually choose not.
I know, I have the ostrich mentality. I assume that sticking my head in the sand would solve matters. However, this could backfire cos people instead would spread about how aloof I am. I can't defend much for myself, because it does seem to fit the palette.
I am socially awkward. This is something to be solved, and maybe I have to start with not ignoring people. Of course I also don't want a situation where I wave and no one waves back. Sorry ah but I also a bit thin-skinned.
I can't think of my third regret. Now I regret forgetting my third regret. Oh well.
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self-promotion time:
Instagram: @singzeon
Weibo: @singzeon
Formspring: @singzeon
Okay lah I think you can tell already that everything is @singzeon. If you can find a @singzeon on any network, it's probably me. Questions on Formspring are especially in demand by yours truly, so that I can answer some non-machine-generated questions when I'm bored.
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As I was saying on Weibo the other day, I really feel like going to Mediacorp and ask if they have any jobs. Of course I do understand that with my height and face, it's not easy as well. I really miss the place.
(I am very tempted to write out the funny thing I saw back then at the reception area. But no lah never mind.)
I wonder if the Radio building looks different now. I really, really wish I could do something related to radio during this period of time. Perhaps like voice overs. Again, my voice profile is awkward. I can't do those deep, voluptuous kind and can't do those squeaky childish kind. What kind of commercials would want me leh.
Also, even if I really ask and they happen to have one, how am I to present myself still sick. Immediately they would be able to detect that and I don't think they would want my sickly kind of voice.
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Ок, это я. Пока.
TTFN.