singzeon.

16 July 2012:

I'm over and done with her.

What’s up with the ‘over and done with’?

I have decided not to think of and about her anymore.

Why? It’s been so long.

Precisely since it’s been so long and I’ve been getting nowhere. To be fair, I have done almost nothing. Other guys give elaborate gifts to their fancies on their birthdays. I did nothing of the sort. I don’t think I even wished her anything, actually.

You’re a heartless person! How can you claim you have feelings for her?

Well, I guess you’ve seen me at my worse. I was really smitten by her last year and years before. This year the feelings started to fade, I don’t know why.

Then why is it only now that you decide to give up?

I don’t know why, either. I simply had a ‘eureka moment’, I guess. It seems lame, yes, but I simply ‘decided’ to give up. And anyway, does it even matter why or not I give up? Before when I ‘did not give up’, I was inactive, so to speak. It was almost as if there was nothing.

I thought you ‘gave up’ on her previously? Are you just having second thoughts from time to time? You fickle-minded person!

Well yes indeed. I did do something like this during Sec 2, but I suppose this is rather final? (You may boo me if I reverse this decision in the future.) I do not remember what happened then, but all I remembered was my telling a few people about it. No, I really do not think that I am being fickle; I’m certainly not in this with a ‘play for fun’ mind-set.

Are you doing this because you actually fancy someone else?

No, there is no one that I fancy currently. Naught eye candies either. I just want to take a break from all this. While I did not actually put in any effort, I suppose it is mental (or psychological) effort that I put in. Well you may dismiss that as a load of bollocks, but that’s really what I experience.

What are you lamenting about? She and you were never in a relationship!

Yes indeed. Well I’m not exactly lamenting, I’m just doing a ‘closure’ kind of thing. I just want things to end.

You’re rather miserable. She probably doesn’t know any of this.

That’s ideal, actually. I wouldn’t want her to know any of this, although ironically this is on public domain where anyone including she can view. About the miserable part … let’s just say I can’t blame anyone for my ‘plight’. To be honest besides some grief I don’t feel any more miserable.

Wouldn’t it be awkward between you and her?

I do hope not. She shouldn’t know about anything at all, so on her side I suppose she would react normally. On my side … I’ll try not to be too awkward.

What would you do if she gets a boyfriend?

If the guy’s tall, dark, handsome, muscular, well-groomed, thoughtful, caring, genteel – in summary, the opposite of me – then I’ll definitely wish her well. If I think that the guy’s a jerk, I’ll probably find some way to warn her about him. Of course, I do hope that I won’t be misunderstood as a jealous rival that has failed.

What if your friends continue to tease you in front of her?

I shall kick them in the bollocks or fanny (that obviously depends on which they possess). Okay just kidding. I’ll tell them and pray they stop. Otherwise maybe I’ll really kick them if all else fails.

What if she asks you about it?

I shall kick myself in the bollocks. Actually I can’t do that. So I’ll probably just nod shyly but clarify that it’s no more.

Why are you answering your own questions online?

I don’t know. Is this part of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?