7 January 2012:
"I say IT, you say boomz."
And so I am back from the Sec 4 level camp.To tell you the truth, I was very unwilling to go for this camp. It was supposed to let our class bond more with each other, but I was tired by 3 consecutive days of Orientation. Besides, I felt that having this camp won't really make our class get any more bonded.
Which was more or less true. But I'll get to that later.
Before setting off, I received a message from A, which most probably is sent to the whole EXCO, about how we should step up more and lead our respective classes. (Of course, that's just a paraphrase since I can't remember her exact words.)
And I was thinking to myself: Is that possible in my class? Can I really step up and lead my class? Previously in the Sec 3 Level Camp, I was merely a participant. Even my trainers then said that I was too quiet and needed to participate more.
This time, I resolved to change it. No doubt, I was a little quiet (and unhappy with some people / things) at the start. But I was pretty much "open" during Ice-breaking Games. Of course, I would give credit to D. It was her - with her never-ending bouts of enthusiasm. She made me more encouraged to step up and try and lead the class.
There were still moments where I was so tired that I became a bit "irresponsible" and left the class alone. I admit that there were times where I actually should have prompted them to do something, but left it as it was.
I feel satisfied that finally, I have the confidence to lead my class, at least in small parts. Previously, I would only lead groups that were smaller than me. It's not because I would boss over them, but it's so that I feel slightly more confident.
I know, I'm still rather self-conscious, and it's no good. Perhaps not as many people do judge me, and I'm imagining their negative judgements about me. So this time, I managed to overcome this "barrier".
I'm not trying to say that, oh, now I've stepped up as a leader so I am gonna boss around the class. I'm just glad that I've achieved something that I've set out to do. Furthermore, as a councillor, I am expected to be able to lead others, isn't it?
Like what my trainer said, everyone is a leader and a follower. Even though I led my class slightly, I will still willingly sit down and be a follower if need be. But of course, I would "make noise" if I really think that the "leader" is not suitable.
... Back to the point about how the class is still not "properly" bonded. It's a fact: there is still a presence of cliques in our class. It's not that I'm strongly against cliques or anything. It's just that when people are in cliques, they neglect almost everyone else that's not in their clique.
Hopefully this situation will improve ...?