6 September 2011:
If Human Relations were a subject, I would probably get a F9.
I've probably blogged about this for a lot of times, but I can't help mentioning it again.It does seem that I have problems integrating. To all the haters out there, yes, you may laugh at me now. The problem happened last year, and this year again. Or at least, it does seem to be the case.
The boys in the class can be roughly spilt into a few groups: the rather quiet (or well-behaved) ones, the noisy and disruptive bunch, and the 4 (I don't know how to describe it without being too obvious). The noisy and disruptive bunch has the most number of "members".
I would like to integrate with as many guys in the class as possible, but it seems like it's quite difficult. Besides the sudden attitude change towards me by B, I have some differences with the rest of them. Because of that, I am at most a classmate, or maybe a "weak" friend.
A sidenote (or maybe rant) about B: I wish to know what's wrong with you, or me. Why the sudden attitude change? Why did you suddenly become so distant towards me? If there's a problem with me, tell me, and I can see what to do with it. If all you're gonna do is to distance away from me, it's no solving of problems! I'm pessimistic, and of course I would think that maybe you do not require this friendship. Or was it a friendship to begin with ...?
Alright, back to the main topics. I really don't know how if there's a project to do in the future. I'm just hoping and guessing that, because of the massive amount of syllabus that we have to cover for next year's O Levels, there can be no more projects. I've experienced bad project groups last year (which is my fault partly), and I do not want to go through this whole thing again.
I've "calculated": if there really was a project to do, I'd probably be with two members that I extremely detest (maybe I should do a post to rant about S), or I would be with a group that I do not really blend in well.
Yesterday, something happened. A teacher got so angry with our class as a whole, that she walked out. D asked the class to apologise to her. The bunch of boys who were largely at fault showed no remorse. That really didn't go well with me. They returned late; no matter what reason they had, it was courtesy of them (at least one of them) to explain what happened.
When they were told to go and apologise, I heard at least two of them mentioning something about not being able to go off, now that the teacher was coming back to teach us. Seriously ...? I don't know if I'm being too stuck-up, but I feel that that is no way that people should carry themselves. I don't expect 100% seriousness. But when a mistake's made, at least show that you are sorry, so you should be. And that was another reason why I find it so hard to integrate with them.
Now, most of the people I am close to are from other classes. Not that it's not good, but they too have their own friends from their classes. I will feel bad if I go with them all the time. Sooner or later, they would probably be displeased with me.
My character is probably not the best that you can see. You can start a list of my shortcomings, and probably will never get to end it anytime soon. But I am trying to change. The thing is, how am I supposed to change if I don't even know that the particular action is deemed wrong?
I think it's very ironic. Sometimes when people don't like each other, they claim that "he / she is [...], and he / she doesn't change!" How are they supposed to change? If everyone keeps mum about each other's bad aspects, no change is going to take place, unless either discoveres it tragically from gossip. So maybe everyone could just gently remind their friends of anything they can't see eye to eye with. A solution or compromise could be worked out, and All's Well Ends Well.
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And so I shall see what becomes of me in the remaining time.
Deep down, everyone's insecure.