11 June 2011:
Ever since I returned from camp, I've been having really weird dreams.
I returned from Tanjung Piai at Johor on 6 June, which was a Monday. Monday night was alright for me, but Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night, and Friday night was all filled with weird dreams for me.Tuesday night: I was at Orchard area when I saw crew filming a scene there. I exchanged eye contact with one of the producers. Suddenly, I was at another area, and the crew was there again! And, once again I looked at the producer and she looked back at me. Finally, I was in a building when I met her. This time, she was without other crew, there was no filming. She walked up to me and asked me if I wanted to act in a movie. The next thing I was doing was filling up the application form. The assistant producer called and I heard her saying something like me not needing to go for auditions while others needed.
According to dreammoods.com, my dream would either mean:
1. My hard work and labour will be worth it in the end.
2. I have a strong desire of being acknowledged and recognised.
3. I may be putting up an act or facade.
Wednesday night: I was at home this time. The maid had already arrived. [Note: in real life, the maid was to arrive on Thursday, and I was not fully aware of it previously.] My fridge was filled with lots of my favourite snacks. In the freezer compartment, there was Häagen-Dazs Cookies & Cream Ice Cream filled in the WHOLE compartment. In the main compartment, the WHOLE compartment was filled with Danish Butter Cookies. (I just had them before typing this post.) And in the Vegetable compartment, the WHOLE compartment was filled with Fuji apples! My maid was serving the snacks to me non-stop, while I lay on the sofa reading newspapers. (Yes, I know this makes me sound like a 大少爺, but I never have gotten my maid to do that!)
This time, my dream could be a combination of:
1. Me relying too much on other people's help. (maid)
2. I may be harmonious, in pleasure, and fertile (?!). (apple)
3. I let trivial problems and minor disputes annoy me. (cookies)
4. I have cold emotions, or need to put some plans on hold. (fridge)
Thursday night: My dream on Thursday night was most morbid one. In my dream, I was at Tanjung Piai, but I was at a part where it was rocky and I was facing the sea. The scenes was alternating between an office layout, and that. The main part of my dream: I killed someone. I was kicking an adult on the neck, while there were others camp participants watching me. Most kicks landed on the face, but one kick went to his neck, and I burst his jugular furrow. (The nerd in me immediately thought of that even within my dream.) Blood began gushing out from a thin wound in his neck. I was back in the office again. I was worried that I left a lot of evidence there, and knowing forensics, I could guess how the police could figure out the murderer was me. I even thought of how pitifully I would own up if I was caught.
Interpretations of my dream:
1. I am on the verge of losing my temper and self-control. (killing)
2. I need to move on, and possibly have a long-deserved break. (camp)
Friday night: I was with my crush [not the one mentioned in the June 9 post]. She left her friends for me. She put her shoulder around me, and we were walking on the fourth floor of our school, where there were the science labs. In my dream, I remember feeling very happy, but somehow something told me we were not a couple yet.
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I did not search for the interpretation of this dream. I don't dare search for it. When I woke up, I felt very lost. I felt as if it was a breakup. Right now, in real life, I am probably just someone she meets in school everyday. I am probably yet another guy that is no where close to her. I tried talking to her, I tried initiating conversation, the conversations were short-lived. Why must it be so ...? She is really the one person I have liked since Sec 1. It's been two years already.
When I told people that I do not like her anymore (in late last year), someone said "How could it be? That means you never really liked her." I guess that person was right. It was not that I never really liked her. It was that I had liked her all this while. I was bluffing myself when I said I did not like her last time. I tried hard not to think of her, but it proved too difficult.
[insert your own emo love song lyric here]
The possibility of me and her together is 0.01. Firstly because I am too cowardly to proceed. Secondly because she just doesn't like me. People always say "you must make her like you then". How?
TTFN.