5 November 2016:
How to lose trust in someone.
I got my understudy about a month ago. Similar to me, B dropped out of infantry Professional Term and was a soldier-in-transit (SIT), being housed at his initial company. I chose him out of five available candidates.On the first day that B arrived, I brought him to the canteen. I asked him: ‘Are you one to test the system?’ I can tell he was stunned by this question of mine, but he replied: ‘Not really.’
Over the next half hour or so, I explained to B my reason for that question. Simply put, I was giving B a heads-up of what happened when others before him (or even me) tested the system.
This was no threat; I merely gave him a factual recount of what I experienced thus far, ever since I posted in. Many inconveniences were a result of other NSFs taking advantage of their inherent privileges, and I didn’t want him to be like that.
I don’t know if B felt I was being a nag. But to me, I felt obligated to (at least try to) make B understand the consequences, so that he couldn’t blame me for not giving him adequate warnings or advice.
By now, I have been through a fair bit which was wholly preventable – hence, I really hoped that B need not be bogged down by all these. What more, he will become a specialist once he completes his three-month on-job training.
~
About two weeks in, B had a medical appointment on a Wednesday morning. He took the off pass (permitting him to go) ... and never come back for the day. Based on experience, such appointments last no more than two hours.
That afternoon, I started to get a little displeased. Not only did he not return to camp, he did not inform me (or anyone else) on his whereabouts. I gave him a (very big) benefit of the doubt, and did not pursue.
The next morning, B messaged to say that he had very bad diarrhoea. Hence, I decided to ask him what happened the day before. According to him, B went for the appointment, ate his lunch, visited his grandmother at the hospital and went home.
I explained to B that, based on the rules, all servicemen must return to camp after their medical appointment, unless given an MC. B called me to apologise, saying that in his former company, SITs were allowed to have the rest of the day off.
B was given a two-day MC for his diarrhoea. The diagnosis was gastroenteritis. As it happened, there was a community service programme the next day. This also meant that B would be absent for the programme, his first.
When B returned the next Monday, he was very apologetic of what happened on Wednesday, and his subsequent absence. He claimed that he was not trying to chao keng, and it was legitimate food poisoning after a bad steamboat buffet.
Again, I decided to believe him and put that matter to rest. Subsequently, there was no such issue. His work was satisfactory, except that he could get rather careless at times and liked to assume.
~
Two weeks ago, B mentioned that he had physiotherapy, again on a Wed morning. I was supposed to personally issue his off pass. But as I was busy, I told him to fill it up and get my boss’ signature, without checking it myself.
That afternoon, by 1430 or so, B was again radio silence and nowhere to be seen in camp. I texted him and asked if he would be returning to camp. B gave me a long reply in response, which I will paraphrase below:
- It was his first physiotherapy session and he was told to register.
- By the time he finished with registration, it was past his physiotherapy’s start time.
- The physiotherapist was upset with him and told him that since the next patient had arrived, he would be bumped to the next slot.
- Hence, his physio was delayed.
- His lunch was also delayed as a result, of which he was eating whilst replying me.
At that instant, I mentioned it to Mr S, who was an ex-regular and has seen through way more NSFs (and their antics) than me. His first response: ‘Bedek lah!’ Yet, at first, the gullible me still thought that Mr S was probably too harsh and cynical.
~
Later on, however, when talking to K, I started to get more and more suspicious. K also attends physio, although at a different hospital. However, he shared that B’s story was highly unlikely.
According to him, though there was first-time registration involved, it could not have taken so long. Also, as the slot (of 1 – 2 hours) was catered solely for the patient, it was highly unlikely that the physiotherapist could just reschedule on the spot.
What more, what are the odds that the next patient would appear 1 – 2 hours early, to be able to fortunately get an earlier session? This was confirmed by JG, who had physio at the same hospital at B.
From that point on, I became very hurt and disappointed. To think I had tried so hard to justify and legitimise his actions! I called up the hospital’s clinic. About an hour later, I managed to get an official time chit signed by the therapist herself.
According to the time chit, B finished his physio at 1115 hrs. Meaning, no matter delay or not initially, he would have been done by 1115, and certainly not at 2+ p.m. I was in such a daze by then.
Subsequently, I typed a long e-mail detailing what happened and sent it to my boss. The e-mail was framed as a discrepancy report, with the recommendation of punishment to B. I finished it at close to 6 p.m.
As I was on leave for the next few days, I packed up and booked out. Throughout the train ride, I was assailed by so many conflicting emotions. I texted K and a few others, asking what they would have done and if I was a bastard for this.
As it so happened, those that I asked supported my actions. They acknowledged that it was harsh, but necessary. In particular, K mentioned that it was justified, since I had warned B previously.
~
Upon returning after my leave, I got to know that my boss replied my official e-mail. This meant that B would have saw it, as he was manning my e-mail account during my period of leave.
True enough, B read the reply. My boss subsequently talked to him and did not issue any punishment. However, this was not my source of disappointment. My disappointment and consequent lack of trust was solely at B.
~
Till today, I simply cannot fathom why B would choose to do such a thing. It may not seem particularly serious, but I am focusing on the underlying principle – a lack of integrity. In fact, B could have been charged as AWOL.
My OC used to share that, sometimes, people lie or cover up because they are afraid of punishment. He then explained to us that, therefore, his policy was never to over-punish those who actively admitted their mistakes.
The reasoning was that: punishment is unavoidable when mistakes are made. However, if one is willing to own up at the very first instance, there is no need to slap him with the maximum sentence unnecessarily.
I was greatly moved by this little leadership lesson and have sought to apply it whenever applicable. As with B, I even once told him that it was all right telling me, as long as he remains accountable.
Hence, I highly doubt that B lied because he was afraid of punishment. Besides, the way I asked him initially was very informal, and nothing suggested I was investigating on him (until later on).
But then, I don’t think I really want to know. After all, as some may already be thinking: he is just your understudy, why do you care so much? In fact, a few have told this to me as a well-meaning piece of advice.
I fully understand and accept this advice, because there is nothing false about it. Ultimately, B is merely someone that I knew since October, and he is here to replace me once I leave.
However he turns out, whatever he does or does not do, it really is none of my business. I did try my best to warn him and advise him about it, but he still did it. Though this time he was not punished, that may not always be the case.
Yet, being emotionally sensitive as I am, I still feel some sadness no matter what. Regardless of whether or not he treated me as a friend, he chose not to tell a fellow NSF the truth.
‘So, hey, if you can’t even tell a fellow NSF, a peer, the truth, then I’m sorry but then I am not just a fellow NSF: I am your superior, since you have not got your rank. And a superior would do what he is supposed to: report.’
It took me some self-justification, but I’m glad I finally sorted the emotional perspective of this whole thing out, even though I may lose a friend as a result (if he even treated me as one in the first place).
~
What’s next from here? As it so happens, on the day I returned to work, B was again missing in action. Unlike previously, however, I didn’t contact him to check. Later, I found out that he told my boss he was unwell and got a 2-day MC.
Hence, I haven’t talked to him face-to-face about this. Previously, I racked my brains thinking about how to approach it. Should I still try to remain calm or simply flare at him (without vulgarities and/or violence, though)?
Eventually I decided: I would not talk to him. Why? There’s simply no point. As I mentioned, I don’t care anymore. Hence, there’s nothing much else I needed to talk to him about this.
As B is still my understudy, though, I will still respond to work-related communication. Other than that, though, I don’t think I will be talking to him much. After all, I have other, more trustworthy friends like K around camp.
B may be very charismatic – two different people have told me how he was Mr Popular back in JC – but sadly, other aspects aren’t as excellent. So yes, there’s simply no point getting too emotionally involved.
Here’s wishing his grandmother a speedy recovery ... if she was even hospitalised to begin with. 🙂🙃🙂🙃
TTFN.
P.S. Actually if I wanted to pursue B’s initial disappearance and the reason he gave, I could have exposed him back then already. I am highly doubtful of his claim that, back in his old company, SITs could simply go back home after a morning medical appointment. Why? In a functioning company, SITs are used as manpower to support training. I don’t think any company sergeant major (CSM) would be willing to allow potential manpower to simply leave for the day, when the company is at its busiest, running Professional Term. Also, this is a very big loophole waiting to be exploited, since SITs can then gang up to all go for their medical appointments on a day that they wish to skip helping out. This would then be a serious regimentation and discipline issue for the company, lending the CSM in deep trouble. Hence, it’s either B’s whole story is bullshit, or the CSM is shooting himself in the foot. But given what I know of the company, the CSM and his superior, I wouldn’t be wrong to reach for the flush. 🚽
P.P.S. On the off pass, two of the fields are ‘time from’ and ‘time to’. As it so happens, B filled up ‘0800’ and ‘1400’ respectively. Again, I could have faulted him if I knew, since there was no way it should have been 1400. Since physio lasts a maximum of 2 hours (barring any unforeseen delays), a serviceman should have been done by 11 – as B was – or 12. Give the guy another hour for lunch and travel, and the maximum given should be ‘1300’. If any time extension is required, a call would suffice. But, one certainly does not write ‘1400’ on the off pass to begin with, as if predicting delays. Alas, it was my mistake that I failed to check his off pass, but I guess my bigger mistake was in trusting him to properly handle this. 😔