singzeon.

3 September 2016:

For college, for nation.

I passed by Temasek JC just now.

It’s been a while since I properly went back to visit. Yes, I did pop by a few times but it was mainly limited to the Black Box. I barely ventured around the school, or visit teachers. And now, I’m feeling a sense of nostalgia.

Two years of JC is actually rather short, if you think about it. (The same can be said of NS, but I digress.) Looking back, what actually defined my JC life? To be honest: nothing. Nothing in particular left its mark.

I nearly could’ve enjoyed a more vibrant JC life, though. When school first started I signed up to be a part of House Committee. It was responsible for student welfare and morale, somewhat like the lighter side of Students’ Council.

At that time, however, I was deciding between HC or drama, and I eventually picked drama. I do not regret drama at all, but I do wish at times that I could’ve perhaps done both. It’s actually not impossible, it’s just that at that time I certainly had no such determination.

So yes, I went with drama instead. Throughout the two years in drama, I learnt a lot and enjoyed myself, no doubt. I ended up with a smaller social circle, which may not be a bad thing. I had an Exco that I worked very well with.

But other than drama, I pretty much had no life. True, I am the type that likes academia, but then again some score better than me yet know how to enjoy life. For me, everything else was about studying back then.

The most ironic part of all? I didn’t even do particularly fantastic for my studies. One would think that at least if I got 90 rank points, perhaps it somewhat justifies my sacrificing in terms of my social life. But no, that was not even the case.

I was like a failed Sheldon, for those of you who watch the Big Bang Theory.

~

In secondary school, I was part of Students’ Council. (Again, I didn’t regret that.) Due to the nature of my job, I interacted with many other students. It felt great, walking around school saying hi to many people. I wasn’t even Mr Popular.

But then reality struck me along the way. Many of these people that I said hi to were no more than acquaintances. For some, I barely know them, or even their number. I couldn’t even call them up or send a text if I wanted to.

Of course, I did meet a bunch of good friends that I am still in contact with now, from secondary school. Till today, I constantly question if I deserve having such friends. I still feel insecure. But at the end of the day, to paraphrase one of them,

The fact that we bothered to keep in contact with you means that we do want you as a friend.

For a fairly non-emotional person, let’s just say I was this close to tearing up when I heard that. It was very heartfelt and very apt, at a time I was having a hard time and facing insecurities over friendships.

~

Thinking back, my memory of the two years really is very vague, almost as if it didn’t happen. Of course, with deep thought, I do remember certain scenes. Very mundane and not particularly significant, but it’s these little nothings that make the deepest impression.

I guess I must say that the best thing about JC was that everything was so much simpler back then, at least in terms of people relations. Again, this feeds into the stereotype of JC kids mingling only with their kind but I guess it’s true.

I’m not saying that everyone in JC is homogenous but we are more or less the same in terms of attitude or mindset. The environment was much more innocent and everyone was generally nice. I got along well with my classmates.

In fact, till today, I still think about how my class is somewhat a ‘miracle’: we were put together only because our subject combinations were non-conventional. Yet, we ended up fairly well. I wouldn’t say bonded, but at least there was no rivalry or bad blood.

My class had 20 girls and 5 guys. To me, I’ve handled girl-majority classes before so that wasn’t an issue. Within the girls, they had their cliques. But at the same time, one person may belong to two or more cliques.

As such, everyone pretty much gets along well with everyone. Save for maybe one or two more obvious tensions, we really were pretty amicable as a class. And of course, the 5 of us were close too. One was closer to some girls but we didn’t mind at all.

I could go on and on but I think you get the point by now. Things back then were so much more innocent and simpler. I never had to worry about having my words deliberately misconstrued to fuel people’s plots.

It was a daily grind of lessons, but in between we had our free time, our lunch breaks. None of them were particularly significant, but everytime I walk by our usual seats I do stop to reminiscence. (R never finished his food.)

~

Another thing: I went to browse Temasek’s website and I saw many posts about various alumni, some of them my batchmates, getting various scholarships and awards. And I thought to myself: meanwhile, I am here, finding my footing.

Of course, I know that these are the selected few; not everyone got a scholarship and/or prestigious awards. Yet, when I see my female classmates all so well-adjusted into university, and I am nowhere there, I can’t help but fear.

~

Yesterday, J asked if I wanted to go running tonight, as we did previously. It may be a small gesture, but I really took it to heart. Reason being, ever since JC, we hve been naturally meeting up less. J burnt his past few weekends due to NDP as well.

So yes, we hardly could get together. Even though now our topic invariably turns to NS, I truly treasure the fact that we are still in contact. In many ways, J is pretty like me, which is probably why we get along so well in JC.

The good thing is that J is not as emotional as me, so he doesn’t have random bitch moments unlike me. I’m glad that’s the case if not we may not even be friends anymore, since he would’ve given up on my emotional hysterics.

I don’t know if J still reads this blog of mine, but if you do, please know that I am truly thankful for your presence in my life. We may not meet up as much nowadays but I am still very willing to do so, as long as you are.

~

Funny how a post reminiscing about my former school went on such a convoluted trip. If you’re still reading then good job to you. Hopefully I didn’t evoke similar nostalgic feelings (or worse, feeling of regret) otherwise there’ll be one more emo person today / tonight.

TTFN.